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Newest Member: crazyhorse27 (60763)

User Topic: Wayward side - Men
♀ 38900
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't post there. Got kicked out. Tell me guys, what does it take for men to "get" the damage caused and completely feel remorseful. Does it take for your W to kick you out of the house? Does it take for her to get in touch with a lawyer? My WH is not feeling completely remorseful yet. (I don't feel it anyway). Any advice?

Me - 59 - I often have to remind myself of my age!
Husband - 59
DD1 April 5 2013 (a lie)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 266 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
♂ 39830
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't speak for men who cheat or men in general. I can only speak for me.

While I'm a Betrayed, I can speak to the "what does it take" question. I poured a lot of shit in my marriage and didn't wake up to it and what effect it had on my wife until she read me the riot act and I realized I could lose her and my family life. I had a good hard look at myself and days later I was wracked with sobs and guilt and anxiety. That's what it took. I was (still am?) a controller, so by nature when you take control from me I become very, very scared.

Take this with some salt, as my perspective might not apply to your WH. If you do decide to lower the boom on his ass, and file for a D, BE PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Controllers can smell weakness like a shark smells blood in the water. If you file for D, do NOT falter unless he comes to heel. Falter once, and he'll know you're faking it, and he'll be all over you.

Strength and good luck.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

livebythesea - you may wish to post your question on the "BS Question for WS" thread in the ICR forum. However, I would tell you that whether the WS is male or female, the "thing" that makes them feel remorse is highly individualized. Sometimes WS get it, and sometimes they don't.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40181 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 3

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