Not sure where this post belongs.
I watched the victim impact statements in the Ariel Castro case and then his statements. Huge triggers. Sent me into a tailspin, I'm not handling this well.
My situation was in no way comparable to the women he tortured but a lot of what happened to them happened to me too. When he was done making his statement and the judge spoke, the judge brought up that the women were kept on chains. Instant flashback to when I heard Fucktard-ex-spousal-unit tell our son that all women should be kept on chains and every man should have a universal key to unlock them and then lock them back up when they were finished.
I lived in that horror 20 years. The women were actually afraid to leave the house, they were conditioned to their prison. OMG
Castro said repeatedly that he wasn't a monster, that they weren't virgins when he took them, that most of what happened was consensual, that the home was "harmonious." Sick fuck he is. He said he never had a record until he married his wife. He blamed the girls for getting into his truck. It's everyone's fault but his. He isn't a monster. Don't you get it? It's how WE perceive what happened that makes it wrong, because he certainly believes that he did nothing wrong. He even said that.
I guess to an abusive psychopath keeping a woman on a chain is "normal" and "harmonious."
I've been doing so well with only a few blips on the radar but this has sent me over the edge. You know what else has? The series, "Dexter." That guy has the behavior and body language of a murderous psychopath down cold. I don't know why I'm drawn to the show. It didn't dawn on me until last week how much like my ex his behavior and mannerisms are, even the shifting eyes. When I realized why I was so fascinated there was a cold chill that ran down my back and then I started sweating.
It's why I will never date again. I'm drawn to the wrong kind of man.
It's early here and I'm handling this with wine, lots of wine. I don't care that it's not a good choice, it's slowing my heart rate down. OMG what a nightmare and I'm wondering if the day will ever come that I don't flip out and trigger over sick things that remind me of him.
[This message edited by EasyDoesIt at 2:07 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]