Hello, and welcome, kroma. Sounds like you have already made good use of the Healing Library.
From what you are saying, you seem to be doing everything right. Has your wife been able to communicate her needs to you?
One thing that gets reiterated a lot out here is to "let go of the outcome". The anger phases are hard to go through, and the thought of divorce and/or separation is horrifying. Despite that, continue to do the work to make yourself a safe and authentic person, regardless of how things turn out.
Keep reading and posting here. This is a great place to discuss and get feedback. I'm glad you found us.