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im slipping again...feeling hopeless

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Ostrich80 posted 8/1/2013 14:29 PM

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I thought I could muddle through for a while longer. I thought I hsd detached but this is really bothering me. I can't really kick him out right now. My DD is moving into her apt for college next week..more $ I already don't have. Ws has daily communication with ow plus trolling hook up sites. He's coming home from work everyday like all is well. He talks of the future like we are together. He tells me he loves me everyday...WHYYY is he doing this. Why fuck with me when he's obviously got a secret life that involves women. I'm financially dependent on him, I have to have health insurance, and we are barely making it now. I feel like I've sold myself out. I'm disabled so can't get a job. I feel like a caged animal. Why ishe feeding me all this bullshit. I don't get it. He sends me this stupid text every morning.."love you babe". Yesterday I received 3 at the same time, separately. So I asked him, how many babes do you have cuz I just got 3 of the same texts. He said it was his phone that messed up. Then I quote " I only have one that has my heart". Wtf does that mean?????

Is it even possible to love someone and do what he's doing? Does he think he does? Or is he a sick twisted fucking liar?

I would rather him say, I hate your fucking guts then do this crap.
K I got it out, feel a little better. Thanks for letting me get it out. I've been out of my AD for 4 days...maybe that's what's wrong with me today.

SisterMilkshake posted 8/1/2013 14:32 PM

(((Ostrich))) I am so sorry you are hurting.

purplejacket4 posted 8/1/2013 14:37 PM

O80 that just sucks. I'm so sorry you are stuck.

Anyway you can get away for a bit?

Josephine01 posted 8/1/2013 14:38 PM

((Ostrich80))

I really wish I had some great advice for you. I really feel your pain. I can relate as well, I went through that for so long. Felling trapped w/o money, or a way to support me and my kids.

My thoughts are with you. Take good care of yourself, please.

crazyblindsided posted 8/1/2013 16:19 PM

(((Ostrich80)))

My heart breaks for you as I could not imagine having to still deal with my WH being in contact with OW. Just having multiple broken NC's sent me over the edge

I wish I could help you. if I had the financial means I would. I hope you can detach from him more. Do you ever confront him about these texts or are you just waiting until you can leave?

I'm so sorry

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:19 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]

Ostrich80 posted 8/2/2013 03:21 AM

I haven't confronted in awhile. I can't really back up any threats right now. I thought I was doing well with detaching but I think I let myself gets sucked in again. I think because we were at war for so long, its somewhat
peaceful now, well peace in the homebut not internally. My kids have lived in a lot of chaos in the last few years and its finally somewhat calm.I'm a mess inside though. I'm tired, I just feel exhausted and like I don't have the energy to go to battle. So its just like I'm acting everyday, pretending that things are ok. I can usually handle it but this week, not so much. I just don't know why he had to mess everything up. I want him to leave because I don't have it in me to make him.

DeadMumWalking posted 8/2/2013 03:59 AM

((((Ostrich))))

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Detaching is so hard on us, and yeah once you fall off the horse you really start getting more sucked in.

He's an ass. I'm sorry you have to deal with him.

Have you got any goals in mind? I don't know the nature of your disability, but is there any kind of work you would be able to do at home, on your own schedule (typing, for example)? Aiming for some kind of objective can help to keep you motivated when things are getting you down. Figure out what 'light at the end of the tunnel' means in your life.

Sending you positive thoughts, strength and mojo to get you through this tough time.

((((Ostrich))))

itainteasy posted 8/2/2013 07:03 AM

I would rather him say, I hate your fucking guts then do this crap.

Ostrich, aren't you the BS that heard her WH on the VAR in the car ranting and raving about how he hates you and what a bitch you are?


(please forgive me if I got your story mixed up with someone else's)


He HAS said that. When he thought no one was listening.

ets:

HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGS

He's also the 12 yr old who kisses his phone, right?

[This message edited by itainteasy at 7:04 AM, August 2nd (Friday)]

kiki1 posted 8/2/2013 10:39 AM

(((ostrich)))

ugh, your in a bad spot.

Have you talked to a lawyer at all? Do you know what your rights would be in the event of a divorce?

If your disabled, do you receive ssi or ssdi? If not, have you applied?

This is a terribly demeaning situation for you to be in. I'm so sorry. I wish i could smack him for you

With your approval of course

Play his stupid game with him and get everything out of him you can until you can get out of there.

strength Ostrich, we're here for you

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