Which gets me thinking about how stupid and Nieve I was before he had his A. Why didn't I see this coming? Why was I so stuck in my own healing to not be able to see my M falling apart and that my WH had not only stopped loving me but was falling in love with another women??? I just feel SOOO stupid!!!
The worse part is, we've been doing really good, really working on R FINALLY, i'm not sitting on the limbo fence anymore. I feel like we get on this good ride, having fun enjoying life together again, and then something happens (lately my own triggers and realizations/feelings) and the ride malfunctions and I go crashing down in a spiral spinning motion that can't be stopped. I feel that coming, I feel me pushing away and sabotaging what we have finally gotten to. But why???
This is going to be a long day into night of thinking everything to death!!!
ETA: i've already warned wh i'm triggering and its not good. He's at work (which is a trigger all in itself). I just feel he needed the heads up so he wasn't walking into an ambush after we have been doing so well. And he knows what my trigger was caused by.
[This message edited by scangel3 at 6:09 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]
Why expend energy on this? Does it really matter? You are only causing yourself more pain by looking for every last bit of information you may have overlooked during the time of the affair. You have no control over what happened in the past - it's done. You can control what you do in the present. Wasting time beating yourself up over something you missed (because - duh - you trusted your husband!) is pointless.
By the way, I have to repeat this to myself several times/day.
do not feel bad about spirally or triggering. Your WH has himself to thank for them. He should be expecting them for a very long time to come. I think it was good you gave him a heads up. That seemed to help my RH to know that he needed to help me through something. He also came to realize that it was better for me to just come right out and tell him immediately when something triggered me then to even let it go undealt with for an hour. My mind could turn a simple thing into a completely nightmare in an hour. Thankfully our MC backed up that I had no control over this and hubby NEVER complained.
Woman...I too had to dig until everything was unturned. I still check once in a while but it isn't as gripping anymore. My WH 4 year affair almost killed me and I needed to arm myself with everything. It also made him realize I wasn't going to stop until I felt he was telling me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 6:41 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]
Its a big mess, but I have to do it. I have to get my life back!!! I'm just going to be spiraling down in the process.
Did I in some way start these "outside of work" conversations between them?
So although I never thought I needed to forgive myself for any of this, I can see there are somethings I need to get past that I had chosen myself in this process, that I need to forgive myself for, I guess. I just never thought about it that way.
This is why I love this site, I wish it didn't have to exist but since it does, its so helpful. It makes me really think and see things differently, and is so helpful, even the things I didn't want to hear, make me think and evaluate. I don't know were I would be without you guys, I just wish I had found you guys during the A, not 2.5 years after.