I'm so sorry they are doing this to you. Since he's a minor, I would think he HAS to tell you what happened or that you would be able to get some information.
I'm very sorry you are feeling distance from him. I can only think to suggest doing what he likes to do, getting to know him, asking him questions about his life. I really don't know how you start rebuilding that relationship, but I would do everything to try..
I hope it all turns out okay. Big hugs to you..
Healing by the day
Wow, what an awful position your in.
do you have any custody of your son? Have you explained your feelings to him of wanting to spend time with him and your daughter? Can you plan an outing for the 3 of you that you know he would enjoy??
as to the knife incident and the court case, isnt it public record? Can you access anything through the arresting authorities?
As for your h showing your texts to your son, dont sending them. Why give him the bullets to fire at you? Dont even discuss his a in a text.
I'm sorry fubar, dont give up the will to keep living and moving forward.
seek options. hugs
It's probably going to take an atty to get you to see your son.
It's going to be a slow-go, but you need to do this. My counselor told me if I do not bat away the crap my XH tells the kids, then they only hears his side, which isn't real!!!
I would talk to an atty--even a free consultation. Get some orders where you get to see your son. Go and pick him up at every visitation time. He will sulk, but he will get over it.
This is really a lesson for me, because my sons would love to live with their Dad. In fact, on the weekends they are not supposed to go to their Dads, they want to go. I have them stay here with me and we do stuff. And they are learning to have fun with me. I know I sound selfish --BUT-- my XH is like yours -- an ass and tries to turn them against me. So if I didn't force the issue of being here with me, they would have more and more of his influence, and less and less reality.
Go to the police station and get a copy of the report. Go to see an atty with the copy of the report.
Keep posting here, your son deserves to know you!
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 12:01 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
He was 8yrs old when I filed for D from his dad. Until that time he had always been a momma's boy. When I kicked his dad out, he completely turned around. He wouldn't tell me anything about when he was with his dad and I tried not to ask too many questions. He did not know why I filed for D because the councelors and attorney's said not to tell him or it could hurt my custody case as it would be bad mouthing his father to him. So I didn't. He immediately did not like my new SO who later became my WH#2. He was rude and spiteful when he was with me. I got joint custody and he saw him EOW. Well my son started wanting more and more time with his Dad. I didn't want to seem like a bad co-parent, so I let him go whenever he wanted as long as it didn't interfer with school. His dad moved an hour away from us, so it wasn't that often and he didn't see him on his week night becuase of the distance. He had been to his dad's for a few weekends in a row and I told him no one weekend. I told him there were some chores I needed help with that weekend and he couldn't go. He was 14 at the time. He pitched a big fit and went to a payphone and called his dad to come get him. My XWH#1 then filed papers to make him primary custodian. This time I didn't fight it because he was old enough to choose and it would have been pointless with our state laws and the judge I would be dealing with. After that I saw my son less and less. He refused to tell me anything going on in his life and became more and more distant and hostile to me and WH#2. The only time he called was when he wanted something. I will say he did excel in his new school and for that I was happy, but our relationship now is almost non-existant. He only calls when I call him first and then he has nothing to say to me. My XWH#1 succeeded in turning my son against me and my son treats all women disrespectful, even his grandmother's while they were alive. I hate to see any relationship he ever gets into because he is so much like his Dad. All I can do is now love him from afar and hope that once he gets away from his father's influence that his attitude toward me will change. I know he blames me for splitting up the family, but I couldn't take living with a manipulative lying cheater any longer.
I wish I had some words of advice for you, but I don't. I thought I did the right thing at the time by not telling an 8yr old that his father was a cheater, but now I question that decision. Your son is 16, so I would tell him about his father. It might change his mind as to his relationship with you. Good Luck!!!
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I read on here about WS's that don't care about their children and abondon them, but sometimes having them in their lives is much worse. I wished that my XWH#1 would have disappeared like he did with his first son. My son is so very smart and could have gotten scholarships to college, but his Dad talked him into the military instead. This way he didn't have to continue to help support him after my CS and my son'd SSI ran out when he was 18. They lived in a town with a major college and it would have been perfect for my son to go to college there. I see nothing wrong with the military, but I had wished for so much more for my son than a military life and possible injury or death because of it. I worry everyday that he will get shipped off into a war zone or something.
So my advice is again to tell him why you and your husband are no longer together. He needs to know that it wasn't something you caused. I am thinking about you and saying a prayer that your relationhip with your son improves. (((HUGS))). PM me anytime you just want to vent or talk.
[This message edited by TrustGone at 3:57 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]
As a parent you should be able to get a copy of the report but I don't know how things in Canada go.
I think some of the hardest parts have to do with our children.
Our daughter doesn't know what he's really done, either. I just couldn't kill her KISA at such a young age and I worried about her own innocence. The way he left also caused massive other problems, so I feel bad sometimes but haven't tackled that yet.
It aches to see her cling to him and him give her affection, though, because it feels and sounds fake to me, but he shows some signs that he loves her. Just himself more.
I don't have any active advice but read your pain in your words and wanted to say that I understand. To this day I am suspicious that DD has met OW, even though nearly ExH claims not...he claimed a lot of other things, too.
I hope you can figure out what to do. One thing I do, FWIW, is not grill her about her visits with him, because I eventually learn anyway. I sit with her often and participate in her activities, even if I don't want to see Sponge Bob again or play the same video game...she's home such a short time. Sometimes just spending time on a hobby or walk or bike ride goes a long way and especially with a teenager, must be so hard sometimes, anyway.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I live in BC. You should beable to get the report as you are his parent, you have joint custody and he is a minor.
Here is dial-a-law in BC you could start here.
To access Dial-A-Law, call 604.687.4680 in the lower mainland or 1.800.565.5297 elsewhere in BC. Dial-A-Law is available online at www.dialalaw.org.