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I love my family, my mom and brother are my best friends. My dad, well I can see him as a friend but I am not as close to him as I am to my mom. My dad is currently out of the country taking care of his mom who is at the onset of dementia. She forgets things, forgets people have died, thinks its a different day, swears she went grocery shopping earlier in the day and doesn't understand why the fridge is empty...the list goes on. I have never been close to this grandmother. She would come to the state when I was a kid and we'd be expected to go see her. My brother and I were obviously not her "favorite" grandkids, fine we dealt. My mom was definitely not her favorite person, she preferred the woman my dad cheated on my mom with, my mom dealt. So seeing how close me, my mom and my brother are the distance between us and my grandmother grew as I got older. I do love her, and respect her but there is no friendship there, no sweet feelings. She is also sadly racist. I detest that, she is a hispanic woman, we are from a culture that is a mix of european,Spaniard, taino indian, and african. She is blonde haired, blue eyes, porcelain skin and from all appearances looks caucasian and is fine if people mistake her for this. That was yet another factor that pushed me away from becoming overly friendly. Add on the pretentious behavior, the better then you attitude and the insults of my mother...yea not close.

So my dad is there taking care of her. He'll be there for another month, has been there 2 months already. I call my dad 2-3 times a week and everytime I call he asks me if I want to speak to my grandmother. Each time I say no. Last time my dad sounded hurt that I said no and I felt bad. Should I stick to my guns on this or considering how sick she is and how happy it would make my dad should I just speak to her?

I'm just looking for opinions here, I'm not looking for anyone to make the choice for me. Any responses are welcome.

Are you doing this to please him? Hear what she has to say? Can you near it of she is having a bad day and is less than cordial to you?

Would it be easier to just send a 'thinking of you' card every couple of weeks with a short note?

Hugs,

K

It would solely be to help make my dad feel a little better. I do think I'm not going to change my mind. She was never a "grandmother" to me in the traditional sense. I think I will support my father but I see no need to involve myself further then making sure he is okay. Been thinking about this since I typed it.

I see nothing wrong with not speaking to her.

You're supporting your dad, and that's all you need to do.

I see nothing wrong with not speaking to her.

You're supporting your dad, and that's all you need to do.

I totally agree.