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Yeah, I know, NC = No New Hurts

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Griefstricken25 posted 8/1/2013 19:45 PM

I know the adage. I know. I don't "check up" on WXH often, but sometimes do because he is known to be into deviant sexual stuff and if I ever catch something really bad, it may be grounds to keep him from being unsupervised with my kids.

So, I found a way to see what is on his Facebook. This guy lives overseas, and generally has a 2 week break in July, so this year, he was coming here to see his kids for 10 days. This guy gives me and them minimal CS and SS, as little as he can get away with. You know, "because it costs SO much to come visit, AND things are tight for ME, too!!"

So, because things are so "tight" for him, and he has to send so much money to his horrible ex-wife (yours truly), that's why he has a brand new shiny car in his driveway. That's why he could afford to take an extra week off work to holiday in a few of this side of the country's most expensive tourist spots before coming to see his kids. That's why, after leaving the kids back at home (and giving his oldest child, who is not mine, a whole hour and a half dinner out of that entire visit ), he can meander through the mountains, staying in resort towns and then fly down to Disneyland with his teeny-bopper girlfriend, for another few days. I guess he had to round out that "Disney Dad" moniker for real.

Poor, poor baby. Yeah, money's real tight.

And it really bugs me to see all his FB friends all congratulatory and "jealous" of his "amazing holiday".

IWantDoOver posted 8/1/2013 20:26 PM

I don't "check up" on WXH often, but sometimes do because he is known to be into deviant sexual stuff

Honestly, Griefstricken25, you think he's going to post his kink on FB? Really?

Let him go. Block him. Block the teeny-bopper.

Look forward, not back.

Live your life. Happily. (FYI you don't sound happy in this post, just a little bitter.)


Griefstricken25 posted 8/1/2013 20:37 PM

My life's pretty great, actually.

When he says he can't give his kids money, but he's out living the extravagant life, I guess it bugs me a little, yes. Maybe even "bitter" in this moment.

I check an email account that he never uses, but I still have the password for. And not often. And some deviant stuff HAS come in there. This happened to be a link from his email, and yeah, I know, I don't need to go there, and haven't seen his facebook in about 3 years until now. I have him and OW blocked. A moment of weakness and I felt the need to vent. That's all.

[This message edited by Griefstricken25 at 8:43 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]

SBB posted 8/1/2013 20:44 PM

Unless he is lying to the government about his income there's not a lot you can do with this info except torture yourself with it.

Let him go. Block him. Block the teeny-bopper.

^^THIS. Get a trusted friend to do the checking and only report what is relevant to access to your kids.

He is a POS, he is a deadbeat dad, he is a lying sack of shit - you already know all of this, you haven't learned anything new nor will you.

All you're doing is picking at that scab. Don't put yourself through this.

NC = Detachment = Healing.

Griefstricken25 posted 8/1/2013 20:48 PM

Oh, he isn't lying to HIS government, but because he's overseas, it would cost me a ton of money every year to get CS raised, which I know it should be. Because he's overseas, we don't exchange income tax returns and adjust CS yearly, as it should be. Every penny I get from him is fought for.

So yeah, this bugs me.

I know all about NC. Just needed to vent.

Sparkles posted 8/1/2013 21:15 PM

I'm sorry he's such an ass.
This would drive me nuts too.

I looked up the address where my STBXH is currently living and the rent is 4x what I'm paying for the tiny apartment for me and the four kids.

They will get their "karm-uppance" sooner or later...

caregiver9000 posted 8/1/2013 22:06 PM


It's not fair. I wish justice DID exist.

I understand this vent. He IS what he is whether you look at it or not. That is not going to change. It is what it is. The information to confirm that he is a POS selfish ass can come at you in lots of different ways. I understand this too. The kids are young enough that they tell/repeat all the "super fun" stuff dad tells them. It fucking HURTS to hear sometimes. (((hugs))) to us both.

We picked quality losers. Like finds like on FB and congratulates each other.

Griefstricken25 posted 8/1/2013 22:13 PM

Thanks for understanding, guys.

I'm probably extra sensitive BECAUSE the kids just came from a visit with him and he has been the CAT'S MEOW every, freakin' day! I'm tired of hearing about him. I'm tired of every sentence coming out of my 3 year old starting with, "When we were with Daddy..."


Dreamboat posted 8/1/2013 22:34 PM


And now you know why we say NC=No New Hurts. Checking his facebook only hurts you and changes nothing.

I understand, I really do. My X owes me an ungodly amount of back CS. One time he showed up here with a new car, new iPhone, and new clothes....right after I had to tell DD that I could not get her an iPhone for her birthday because I could not afford it!! I nearly ripped him a new one she he lamely said "My family helps me.". Yeah, they help him and wifetress and her kids but not their own grandchild.

Whatever. I don't need the drama. And so I stepped away. Best.thing.I.ever.did. Seriously, for my own sanity. I don;t need to here about his woes of money while he flies all over the world. (my X also lives overseas now).

I alos know that you hurt for your kids. That what my X does to DD is so much worse to me than what he ever did to me. I am big girl, I can take it. But to fuck with my dear sweet child?? Just because he is a selfish twit?? Yeah, that burns me up. Which is another reason I do not monitor him. I can honestly say "I don't know" if she asks me any questions about him. I can give her basics ("He moved overseas") but that is it.


and (((more hugs))) for you and your kids

Housefulloflove posted 8/1/2013 23:22 PM

OP, I understand how much it sucks to find out what kind of stupid shit these idiots have going on when they are so full of excuses for why their priorities are ass backwards.

Nature_Girl posted 8/2/2013 02:52 AM

Because of the sexual deviancy thing I think you're wise to occasionally check. People just don't fully understand that if you have a pervert to share your kids with, there is an extra level of awareness that you must maintain.

Griefstricken25 posted 8/2/2013 08:56 AM

Yes, NG. Sadly. And I had a lawyer tell me TO check for exactly that reason, as long as I have the password.

Holly-Isis posted 8/2/2013 20:40 PM

I've heard of these types of things being used as evidence in court. I hope you took screen caps so if you ever do go back to court to change CS, this will counter some of his lies.

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