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lonelygirl30 posted 8/1/2013 21:51 PM

I will make it very brief as I can theres a lot to this story tho!!

we got together 5yrs ago whirlwind romance moved I within a few weeks, got pregnant within a few months, I got depression and started pushing him away, he was very loving compassionate caring everything I dreamed of and more but I couldn't take it so he moved out to give me space, I come to my sences and took him back, things never seemed right after!
so skip 2years later when son was 2 we moved out of our house moved in with parents to so we could save to buy our own place, he was doing up the old house we rented as a favour to the landlady as he was painter and decorator.
he would spend literally all night there not come back till 7am and when u went to look looked like he'd done forward a couple a weeks the laptop sound wasn't working so I restored it, come across a folder with his dirty pics in and a sex webcam chat room! Sort of got past that yes it hurt but I loved him and we had kids, so forward to last year again pregnant with me and my 3 children went away while he stayed and worked, there was a few times where he never answered his fone for hours and I started to get panicky, so I told the kids I was unwell and come home early he didn't no come home to find hed been on that site again, I confronted him he denied it swore on kids life he didn't do anything till I shown him then he admitted he was talking on there!! Nothing sexual jus about the weather! I am not stupid I knew it wasn't but I couldn't prove anything, so fast forward xmas last year 9months pregnant and the past year has been terrible he go to the toilet for hrs and hrs stay in the bath for hrs and hrs... took me for a fool!! Hed gone out for work drinks come home very drunk, I checked his fone and hed left his email left open there I found out 18/12/2012 thousands of emails to all diff girls 2 stood out!! I was up all night looking throu them not even reaching the end! Basically hed been speaking to them for years, hed even fallen for 1 of the girls so say, he admitted it all and said there was some emotion there!! He vowed never ever to do it again!! So we had our daughter on new years day, 3 days later hew as back in work (he was now in a different job where he had unlimited access to the net) he didn't seem to want to bother with her, we have 3 boys and she was like our little mieracle I seem to jus me doing it all alone, anyhow on the 9th juy I found out hed been cheating, so I took an overdose and put myself in hospital he stayed by myside promised to change said this was the kick up the ass he needed, told me only slept with her 2x and started a couple a months ago!! I stayed in hospital 3 days on a drip, come out he held me all the way home promised me jus me him the kids... so I tex the girltold her she was a home wrecker! She msged back and ended up talking! She told me affair started in feb our daughter was 4 weeks then! they seen each other sundays he promised her the world but everything hed said to her he also told the same to the girls on the net,she was heartbroken herself she had totally fallen for him.
Then I find out hes got another secret email address as he told me, said he said it up after we deleted old 1 so he could find them girls hed been talking to for years, it was 10days after I found out about it all at xmas, then I found out hed been calling the girl in America only 3 days after I come out of hospital, then I find out hes still emailing them all up until the 26th July, on the 27th July he set up a new fb account, to look for this girl! I asked if hed been looking for the girl he had the affair with hed said no hed ended it when I was in hospital and that was it done!! I asked him go to on his fb so I could see the activity and not old had he been searching for the girls he also searched for the girl he had the affair with, this is why I am here now, I have jus had enough he promises things and jus cant help himself, he puts all those girls before me and his children he even met her on fathers day when he said he had to work! Its the not sexual side I have a problem with as much its the emotional side, giving up his time with us a family for her, money on her, txs calls which he never bothers with me at work yet any second he gets hes emailing them or txting them.
I feel so hurt, and devastated that after the attempted suicide hes still go on and talk to these girls still calling 1 of them. He says he loves and wants to work it out! I went to a councilling session a few weeks back before the suicide attempt she said he had an addiction to it, which he told me he had also I didn't believe it jus thought it was rubbish how can you be addicted to sending dirty pics and emails about loving someone but its true its an addiction. were on a waiting list for couples councilling, I jus want to no if he can do this does he actually love me?? Why hurt me esp after everything that's happened?? I am so lost but I love him and want to stay with him, he is trying I seem to push him away but as he has the addiction he can go on at anytime to get a fix! feel like I am loosing my mind at times images of her and him watching the sunset holding hands, kissis I drove him to work 1 day an she was waiting outside (hes a tattooist) for him and they looked at each other and I knew then the lil smiles etc, he says will never happen again but if he cant keep off the net and leave the girls alone how will he not stray again?? Im jus so confussed :(( sad times

Tried to keep it brief and that was brief more to it haha... thanx for reading!!

Crushed1 posted 8/1/2013 23:56 PM

Hi and hugs (((lonelygirl30))). Welcome to SI. I can feel your pain and am so sorry for what he's put you and your little ones through. I'm glad you're receiving counseling but it sounds like he is in need of counseling as well. Serial cheaters rarely change on their own.

Keep posting, this is a great place for your help.

lonelygirl30 posted 8/2/2013 03:25 AM

Thank you I am sure with time will get easier, I hope??
He has only cheated physically once the rest was internet!! even tho in my eyes still cheating emotional is more worse for me then physical to be honest! :(

lonelygirl30 posted 8/4/2013 15:29 PM

im struggling so much :((

Pippy posted 8/4/2013 16:02 PM

Welcome and I'm sorry you had to come here but this site will help you a great deal. We've all been where you are today and know the gut wrenching pain you are suffering.

Keep posting here ( hint - in small paragraphs please - you'll get more responses) and be sure to read all you can in the Healing Library.

You WILL survive this. Hugs.

sunsetslost posted 8/4/2013 18:30 PM

So sorry. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. I'm just over three weeks from D-Day. You'll find this forum so helpful. Know you are not alone and we are thinking about you.

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