I feel in shock. I read through half of it, and had to stop. Then finished it. Learned a lot of new stuff that I hadn't known previously. Then I went back through my email and found my own timeline that I had emailed him right after Dday. I put the two timelines together, and ran to the bathroom and got sick. When I compare the days that he was with her versus what I was doing and thinking on those days, it just... I can't even put it in words.
I feel hurt. Shocked. Sad. Angry. Sick. My chest hurts. I can't stop crying.
My instant response was to turn off my phone, because I can't talk to him right now.
I've been reading Not Just Friends, and read part of the chapter today that says you can't use new information as a weapon. And right before he sent the timeline, I promised him that I wouldn't do that.
I don't know how to talk to him though without getting angry.
I know that timelines have to be hard for the WS too. It has to be hard to admit all that stuff, and see it all on paper.
I want to thank him for being honest with me, and doing that for me. But I also want to yell and cry because of what I read.
I don't know what to say to him.
How did the BS and WS on SI deal with timelines? Any advice?
It helps to put the puzzle pieces together in my head, and I'm grateful to him for that. But it also just really hurts to see it all on paper.
This is exactly why I didn't ask for a written timeline. I know all the details that I need to know, and honestly I doubt he could give me one. His A lasted over 2 yrs and had been over for 7 months before he told me about it. I doubt I could handle it emotionally, plus I have a pretty bad temper. To see it in writing I would most likely flip shit!
I'm so sorry you are hurting.
I remember when I read my wife's timeline, I was numb for quite some time. All of the items in the timeline lined up with what my wife had told me, but to see it on paper, in one concise document was overwhelming.
Probably the hardest part, like you, was lining up events on the timeline with whatever I was doing during that time period.
Just wanted to let you know you have been heard, and that your reaction is normal.
Take care.
If I was in the middle of a true R and my WS gave me a timeline of her A, I know that I couldn't be upset with her.
I asked for it and I got it and in light of the R, I would see it as a great step towards WS being honest, open and truthful about her transgressions especially if it filled in missing information.
Maybe in your case you can discuss your feelings and emotions with your WS, letting him know how much it hurts but how much it means to you that he's being honest. If your WS reacts with compassion and love, I would feel like you scored big today.
I don't know how things are between you and how much he has owned up to what he's done and how he has been showing remorse but this is one way to look at it.
May you find peace in whatever you do.
TR
Thanks. This is what I keep telling myself. I know that what he did was hard. I know how hard it is to even confess small, minor lies to him myself. So I know that this had to be hard for him to do.
But it just hurts. I guess most of it isn't new. I knew that they had sex. I knew she stayed the night a few times with him. I think the part that hurt the most was seeing how it lined up with what I was saying and feeling at the time, and the lies that he was telling me at the time. I also saw that she spent two weekends with him, which was new information. It makes my stomach toss and turn to think about him being with her for a whole weekend. I guess that makes it seem more like they were dating, instead of it just being sex.
There's a part of me that wants to curl up in his arms and have him comfort me. And there's a part of me that feels disgusted reading all the horrible things that he did to me and all the lies.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked for the timeline. I thought I needed all the information to move on, because that's the type of personality I have. But now I wish so badly that I could erase all of this knowledge from my head.
