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Emotional connection during sex

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musiclovingmom posted 8/1/2013 22:59 PM

My H and I are doing remarkably well for being only 1 year out. I won't go into that now since I've written it in several other posts. However, I've been in a bit of a funk lately. We have always had an amazing sex life. It is pleasurable and electric and there was just this strong emotional connection even from the very beginning. I've worked hard to get past the mind movies, and lately sex is actually pleasurable again - physically. However, that emotional piece is still missing. I don't really know how to explain it well. It is just great sex, not making love. Is this just a time thing? Is there something you've done to bring it back? Is it gone forever? I'm very sad about this and just looking for other people's encouragement/experience.

dovetool posted 8/1/2013 23:15 PM


I'm in the same boat and just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

HardenMyHeart posted 8/1/2013 23:30 PM

Is this just a time thing?

Yes. I was in about the same place as you were 1 year out. Once the pleasure returns, the connection will follow. Realizing that the sex is pleasurable again is a sign that the connection has already started to return. You're just guarded right now and that's normal. There is nothing to be concerned or sad about. Just go with the flow. R takes much patience. It is ok to give yourself the precious gift of time to heal.

Sounds like you're doing well. Congrats to you and your H on reaching the 1 year milestone.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:32 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]

Hearthache again posted 8/2/2013 01:52 AM

I went through a good 2 1/2 years of this. I did this on purpose though. I am a person that is very sexual and sex is a very big stress reliever for me. I was very honest as to why I was having sex with my H. He was ok with it What guy says no to sex.

The emotional part of sex returned just a little bit ago when I started to fully heal. When I figured out I was staying because I loved him. When I started to be happy being married to him again.

It will come when the time is right for you and your situation. Please don't stress about it. You are doing great even being able to enjoy sex with your H. A lot of people only a year out can't say the same thing.

Sissi12 posted 8/2/2013 02:55 AM

A year out and the sex is good, but there is no emotional connection. I am starving from love, not from my husband, but from anymore who is capable of loving and caring. Still deciding what to do.

musiclovingmom posted 8/2/2013 21:51 PM

I'm trying to relax about this tonight, but it still gets me. I love him. I know that's why I stayed. I know he loves me. I rarely, if ever, check up on him anymore. I feel safe for the most part. I guess I just need to be more patient (a virtue I have never had).

ItsaClimb posted 8/3/2013 02:50 AM

musiclovingmom - I just posted about the exact same thing!

I came on here feeling so heart-sore this morning. I hate that you are going through this too, but it helps to know I am not alone if you KWIM?!

Maybe it is a matter of time and more healing that we might not even realise we need? I figure that although things are going really well for fWH and me at the moment (this week has been amazing!) there is probably still some underlying "stuff" that I need to work through before that emotional connection comes back? I don't know... this process is continually throwing curve balls at me!!


musiclovingmom posted 8/3/2013 07:43 AM

Itsa - I have no idea how I missed your post. 'Heart-sore' is a great way to describe how this makes me feel. I want that connection back so desparately now. And, I know exactly what you mean. It's good to know that once again we're in similar places (I use good lightly). I know there is hope for us.

ItsaClimb posted 8/3/2013 08:50 AM

I posted after yours, I came on and posted, and then found this post when reading through the posts. Weird how we all seem to travel the same path, no matter where we're from, how old we are, how long we've been together... the road is pretty much the same for all of us.

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