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Foolme1 posted 8/2/2013 00:05 AM

So, I ran in to a "mutual" friend of the OW and I. I say "mutual" bc she's more of an ex co-worker to WH and was friends with him and OW when they worked together. I did not officially meet this friend until WH and I R, and she seemed nice. I never really reached out or tried to be friends. We had dinner with her and her husband, who happens to be one of WH good friends.

Anyways, I run in to her and were talking about random day to day stuff. I cannot remember what it was that I said, but I clearly was not thinking about the OW connection when she says "I know...me and OW don't talk anymore". I'm sure my look of confusion threw her off, and she started just outing EVERYTHING out. Like she felt bad that she was friends with both of us. So, it was very interesting to hear what she had to say. Keep in mind, this woman was friends with WH and OW as a couple and they all hung out. According to her, her husband would always tell her that OW was shady, but she never believed him. Then the most shocking thing to me, if its true: OW could only say nice things about me. Ow was jealous that I have my degree and an "admirable" job, and that I was so pretty and so skinny that she couldn't understand WHY WH had left me for her. According to this friend, the OW would always talk about how nice I was (when I confronted her, I never once was. Bitch. I wanted to "humanize" myself to her and make her guilt be so strong that it would kill her. I didn't want to "justify" her actions and give her the pleasure of being the bitch wife and no wonder he left u attitude. It completely threw her off as she was ready to fight, but I have her nothing to fight with. I remember thinking that after I initially spoke to her) and she would always say how pretty I was and was obsessed with my body and how skinny and fit I was and she couldn't understand what WH saw in her when he had a beautiful wife.

Like I said, who knows if its true. All I said was "well that's nice. I don't hate the woman, I just prefer to not speak about her or waste my energy or thoughts on that sitauation. It's been 4 years, and if I can forgive WH, then Why should I hold a grudge against her" and we moved on.

Even if its all a lie, DAMN that felt good! During that whole situation my ego was crushed, i felt lower than scum, and the whole time, this woman supposedly thought I was "strong and beautiful" and felt guilty for what she did....supposedly. My whole "kill them with kindness" seemed to have worked...

Oh and my karma that I always wanted for her came, but she covers it pretty damn well. Since WH left her, she has been in 4 "serious" relationships, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM cheated on her! I shouldn't find joy in someone being cheated on, but karma is a bitch!

[This message edited by Foolme1 at 12:11 AM, August 2nd (Friday)]

Ostrich80 posted 8/2/2013 03:57 AM

So this woman knew ws was married, was a friend of the "couple" and is now spilliing all of this. I may be out of line here, but I don't like her. You must be a strong lady because I think I would have asked her why she wasn't so talkative with you while the A was going on.

ifinallyfoundme posted 8/2/2013 05:55 AM

That heifer was lying through her teeth. She was on a fishing expedition to see if OW was still a topic of conversation. I wouldn't trust anything that came out of her mouth. Next time you see her and she will pop up again, be prepared for more interrogation.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 5:56 AM, August 2nd (Friday)]

TrustGone posted 8/2/2013 06:52 AM

I think you handled the situation very well. It is hard to take the high road but it is the best way to go. I am glad that this "friend" (and I use the word loosely) told you things that made you feel better. I know OW in my case was very jealous of me, which is why she outed the A by calling me. She was an old GF of WH#2's and called him out of the blue one day, one thing lead to another, and before long they were carrying on a LTA. He said he tried many times to break it off with her, but she threathened to tell me if he did. So with his wayward mindset and conflict avoidance issues it was easier to keep seeing her than to deal with the fallout. He thought that eventually she would just go away, but she didn't. He even gave her an engagement ring to shut her up for awhile, but that backfired on him. He lied to her and came to visit me out of state where I was working. When she called me she was all apologetic and said she could never give him what I did as far as finacially. She also said I was very pretty (I do look a lot better than her) and he undoubtably loved her or else he would see what he had in me and wouldn't have ever wanted her. She begged me to divorce him so they could be together at last. I also took the high road. I did not yell at her or curse her. All I could tell her was that if he cheated on me, then all she would be getting was someone that would cheat on her too. I told her that she knew he was married and if she really cared about him and herself she would never have gotten involved with him as long as he was married to me. Of course it fell on dead ears. They then took the A underground for another year and I spent that time in false R trying to be and do everything to make him happy (before SI). She outed him again on DDay#2 and this time he did go totally NC to stop the D. She has attempted to break NC a few times over this last year. The last time he called her and told her to leave us the hell alone and to go away. Hopefully that did the trick, but who knows. I was pissed at him for calling her back and not telling me. He said he thought I had already been through enough because of what he did and he felt it was his job to get rid of her. He never spoke to her, but left drunken messages on her voicemail. I came very close to calling it quits then, but I do believe him and he said the next time (if there is one) we will get a RO.

If I was you I would avoid this mutual "friend" as much as possible from now on. She is not a friend of the marriage if she was friends with them as a couple. (((HUGS)))

Foolme1 posted 8/2/2013 08:33 AM

Oh yes! I agree, not a real friend at all! We don't hang out or anything, I literally bumped in to her while out running errands. I was so caught off guard when she brought ow up, and just stared at her with confusion as she told me all this, and thanked her and moved on. Like I said...supposedly. Even if its not true, for that moment it felt good