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We saw them last night

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LadyYoga posted 8/2/2013 07:18 AM

We saw THEM (other family) at a street fair last night. She spoke out loud to her son " we were just saying I wonder if xx (my DS) would be here! " all cheerful and smiling. Both H and I smirked and kept walking. So, I had bad dreams again last night. We see THEM everywhere. I was driving home form work yesterday, pulling into our street and THEY were driving out of our street. We are going to a party Saturday night. THEY will be there. School starts Ina couple weeks. THEY will be there. I don't know how to really survive this without moving. H has applied for other jobs but nothing yet. I was at the pool club the other day and SHE was there. She was on one side of the pool with friends (who didn't even say hello to me because she was there). I was sitting on the other side with other friends. Kids all played together. It's just so fucking awkward for everyone. I HATE living in a small town. I have to pass her house everyday. I see her at the gym, at the pool, at school, at kids activities, at parties...on and on. The ONLY solution is moving. And that's not happening anytime soon. So, I am PRACTICING acceptance. I say practicing because I fail often. Like last night. And then I post here, and get bashed for my choices. Everyone says, NC, NC, NC with other family but I have not heard that come from anyone that is walking in my shoes. Yes, I could just say we are avoiding that family because...or my H can say it. BUT, I have spoken to a child psychologist about it and she met with her group and they all said best not to tell and let the kids play. Moms make sacrifices and I am making a huge one. And most of the time I am ok. I wake up everyday and practice again. And, I pray for the karma bus to hit her.

TrulySad posted 8/2/2013 07:34 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can completely understand your delimma. It's not possible to just uproot your life.

I will say though, you are your children's parent. YOU know what's best for them. Please don't think that because counselors have said to allow the kids to play together, that it's what's best. Children are very intuitive. They will eventually sense the tension. And honestly, this woman isn't a good influence. She's done some bad things, and keeping the kids away from her and her family may be the smartest thing.

Your children will be fine. There are other kids in towns to play with. Kiddos don't need to know the truth...make an excuse, come up with something, just don't keep doing this to you, or them.

You need some peace, and Mom DOES matter.


petite71 posted 8/2/2013 07:38 AM

momof3gbb I know exactly what you mean. I live in a small town & OW lives around the block from me. I am not going to let her win,I love my house. I hope karma bus runs her unremorseful a** over & over again. It's been a 1.5 yr since DD & she doesn't bother me anymore. I am getting stronger & livin life again. I hope time heals you too. (((HUGS)))

rachelc posted 8/2/2013 07:45 AM

yes, Moms have to make sacrifices for their children but not at the expense of being traumatized.
I couldn't do this. I would demand a move. We don't have small kids, he works in the same town as the two OW and it drives me crazy.
See, it's bad enough that it happened. You should never have to see her again. JMHO...

Hugs to you for having to go through this...

WhatsRight posted 8/2/2013 07:57 AM

I have to respectfully disagree with Rachelc.

Moms do have to make sacrifices for their kids - no matter what. Sounds like they are young kids. Sounds like you and your WH are doing alright. This is a childhood trauma that you can save them from.

I am so sorry for your situation.

But I SOOOO respect your 'practicing acceptance'. I respect your patience with the new job at the new place.

Lean on your husband - if that is workable in your situation. Make it a thing that YOU and HE share. You are being the better person - sounds like you always have been. No shame in that.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I am sending BIG HUGS your way! Hang in there!

kiki1 posted 8/2/2013 08:09 AM


ugh. This really sucks. I'm sorry for the pain this must cause you.

I disagree with your psychologist, though i am far from qualified in that area. Infidelity and those rotton ripples in the pond? We know all too well, no need for a degree for this one

Kids dont need to know the story, no, but that doesnt mean you couldnt maybe curtail some of the activities so you dont have to deal with see the ow on a continuous basis.

Your mental health as a mom most definitely matters!! Healthy moms make for healthy kids.

It sounds as if its possible for you to develop a strategic plan to counteract this with your h, so that the whole family would benefit.

I hate to admit it, but i hope for the karma bus too

LadyYoga posted 8/2/2013 08:20 AM

Thanks for your support. I really need it. I have tried to curtail activities and run ins but it seems harder and harder. The boys are techies and communicate via minecraft, Skype, email, google , text. Seriously, it's very hard to play keep away when the whole world is connected by technology. All I can do is keep them busy with other activities and friends. I'm trying.

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