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Newest Member: Netflixandstuff (61822)

User Topic: Idk,is this normal???
♀ 32848
Member # 32848
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everybody,idk what happend last nite or better,the question is why did this happen?? R is going really,really well. We are 3 years out.He is doing everything,we read every book out there.We get along good.I am much,much better then before.I barley bring up the A,and sometimes I can go couple of days without thinking about it. Triggers are less and less and if they come they go away quick,no big deal like it used to be. We communicate really good,so its just like it should be. So come to the point finally,yesterday he came home from work,surprised me with flowers,a nice card,we put the kids to bed,I got a back massage,we had a really good talk,foot rub,....and then boom I just got so him.and the the unfairness of it.i was so angry,i was schocked at first.this kind of anger I only experienced in the first year,and sometimes second,but it was less and less with time as well. So wtf? So I honestly told him this.He sat and held me and had endless patience.he said he is ok,but i could tell he was hurt a bit. This morning I dont feel as angry.but still,I am schocked and confused and I dont understand.I have also no idea what caused it,...anybody can relate to this? Thank you.

Posts: 195 | Registered: Jul 2011
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are further along than we are, so I can't speak of the time frame of it.

But I know it is the really nice good moments that trigger me more now. I get a feeling like "it could have always been this way, it SHOULD have always been this way!!!". Why why did it have to get so bad first?


BS 42
fWS 38 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2859 | Registered: Aug 2012
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage're a little further along than we are, but I triggered badly last night on something trivial, and I still haven't recovered yet after 18 hours, most of them wide awake.

So what you describe sounds reasonable to me....

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17064 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 13333
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds normal to me. About a year ago (so 5-6 yes out) out of no where came anger. Fresh, new anger. Nothing in particular triggered it that I could see.

We worked through it. I considered IC again, but we were a little stretched financially due to medical bills so I didn't. Thankfully it passed as we worked through it...again.

Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 8480 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
♀ 24643
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

got a back massage,we had a really good talk,foot rub

I've heard that a deep tissue massage can release pent up emotions, and you mentioned your back and feet. I dunno, combine that with a "flowers for no reason" trigger ... and I can't help noticed you registered here in July '11.

I wouldn't worry about labels, i.e., normal.

But if you want to prevent negative reinforcement -- and think you'd enjoy massages and/or flowers in the future -- then you may want to apologize for your angry outburst. Because yesterday it sounds like he had nothing but the best of intentions for your well-being and safety.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2144 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 5

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