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hangingontohope7 (original poster member #20024) posted at 2:29 PM on Friday, August 2nd, 2013
Well, the custody agreement is in the mail. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it. A little bit of relief mixed with anxiety and sadness, maybe?
Relief that this one small step towards securing my children's future has been initiated. Anxiety that he won't sign it. Sadness that this is what our lives have come to.
So, now we wait. If he signs off... great. Its exactly what he requested. He knew weeks ago that I had suggested getting an agreement down on paper. I didn't feel comfortable with the verbal arrangement, especially since he has railroaded all of my other requests without so much as batting an eyelash.
I'm afraid he is going to freak out that its coming from an attorney's office and then refuse to sign. Not because he doesn't agree with the arrangement, he will just be pissed off that I dare make a decision without his knowledge.
Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing
Burn everything love then burn the ashes.
devistatedmom ( member #24961) posted at 3:49 PM on Friday, August 2nd, 2013
Remember, you didn't make this arrangement without his knowledge. You two did talk and decide what you wanted. At some point, it has to be put on paper. This is what divorce is. Everything must be in writing. That's your only answer to him. When divorcing, everything is put into the papers. Say it calmly, and walk away. If he's going to throw a fit, let him throw it. Sooner or later, he's going to have to sign.
BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
hangingontohope7 (original poster member #20024) posted at 4:12 PM on Friday, August 2nd, 2013
I've been trying to practice what to say if/when he confronts me about it. I want to keep it short and to the point. No emotions or snarky comments. Just the facts. When I suggested the first time that we needed to get something in writing, his response was, "Why? Aren't we happy with the arrangement?" Oh sure... I'm just thrilled with this whole situation that you forced upon me. 
I told him that the arrangement isn't the problem. The times he asked to have the children are pretty standard. Its the fact that there is nothing in writing so the children are not protected.
He is just going to have to get over it. You're right... this is what divorce is. And its too damn bad if it bursts his little fantasy.
Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing
Burn everything love then burn the ashes.
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 6:29 PM on Friday, August 2nd, 2013
"Why? Aren't we happy with the arrangement?"
Tell him "Yes we are happy with it, which is EXACTLY why we should have it documentated to protect us. I thought you would be THRILLED that I did this for you"
(Try to spin it so it looks like a favor FOR HIM. Maybe he won't go all douchebag on ya)
Plus, it is true....it not only is reassurance for you....it protects his time with the children in case you would go off the deep end and start living wild 
[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:31 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]
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