Me: BS 50
What you did was allow your wife to feel safe anywhere in her world and that is such a huge gift.
As a BS well into R, I can't tell you how much that single act would have meant to me.
My WH wanted to just burry himself in the sand and disappear, he was so ashamed of himself and his actions. He was actually close to suicide by the time the A was out in the open. He didn't want to tell a sole what disgusting thing he had done.
By protecting the knowledge of the A, I felt like no one around me could possibly help in my recovery because to truly help I needed to tell them what had made me so damn upset. I felt like I was on an island of despair and not allowed to seek help without upsetting the veil of secrecy. I liken it to having to put on a mask every time you encounter someone because my grief was so acute there was no way of hiding it from anyone.
I stopped going out of the house, I was alone in my pain completely, except for my MC and IC. I continued to spiral downward because of this elephant of a secret on my chest.
Finally, after I realized I would eventually leave due to these conditions, I demanded that my WH at least tell our children and our families. NO ONE should ever feel they have been cut off from this important support group. They needed to know why I was becoming someone who was incapable of caring for even themselves. WH finally agreed. It was like the gates of hell shutting behind me when our kids found out. And their supportive reaction surprised my H so much that telling the rest of the family was much easier.
Can I ask you something? Your post seemed to oooz with excitement for having stepped over this line and committing to the act of openness. Are you feeling happier today? Has this act also released you from some of the huge burden you have been toting around? If it has that's a double bonus.
Congrats again. I think it was an incredible step forward for you and your wife and will help so much.
[This message edited by TxsT at 9:18 AM, August 2nd (Friday)]
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!