I know you all know the story of walking through the fire...
Yesterday, I had IC. I told therapist H and I doing great for last month. Which we miraculously have. H has done a 360. I'm not kidding. This man hasn't had a drink in over 100 days after 17 years of drinking almost every day. He has no female friends, is completely transparent, gives me his phone, doesn't look at porn, is working two jobs and watching our kids on his days off. He's consoling when I'm sad and I tell him to tell me sorry. He now gets it. I now can tell him what I need. He's amazing. It's crazy how we had to hit rock bottom to realize how much we mean to each other.
I'm NOT going to live in the past anymore.
I'm not going to live in pain anymore.
I will not let triggers get the best of me and beat him down.
He's a different man now and he proves it a 1,000% every day.
I'm not going to torture myself or him anymore.
I want a great life with him and he wants the same.
It's crazy how alcohol can literally consume a person, devour them emotionally and physically.
I forgive him.
I'm an amazing person.
He's now an amazing person.
I love him.
I WANT to be happy.
So, I think this is it for SI. I know recovery is still a long, long process, but I'm ready to move on! :) We have a wonderful life to live. We are still taking IC/MC, 12step/AA/Al-anon very serious. But, the chapter of SI is over for me. Who knows, I may be back. But, I'm giving it one shot. I'm a tough little lady, I know what I want and I'm going to get it. I'm no longer a victim. I'm free from the shackles of torturing myself because my H is not doing any of the bad stuff anymore. AND, if he does, I'm out, no questions asked. Wish me luck.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me in ways you never imagined. 1faith, crazyblindsided, h0pef4ul, confused, sisoon, Chicho, Jrazz, Samantha Baker, PinkLadyJeep and many others who took the time to respond to my pain.
I'll never forget you all. I'm going to leave my profile just in case it can one day help others with their pain and prove to them there is light at the end of the tunnel.