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Uggh. Having trouble. 1st kid leaving home.

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redrock posted 8/2/2013 13:41 PM

My daughter leaves for college in 12 days. She will be 9 hours away from us at the school she wanted very much to attend. She is THRILLED.

She didn't want a grad party, she wanted a going away party. It is next Sat.

I am having a really hard time. The photo boards. Her portfolio. The party, the packing....

She is so happy, excited and I will not step on that in any way. We have laughed and crafted and weeded the yard getting ready together. I feel like I have to soak it all up.

But when I am alone, I feel like crap. I want her to fly. it's the beginning of the change that happens to every family.

It seems like a loss that I can't talk about for fear seeming like I want to hold her back. I don't.

I have kept it at bay all summer, but boy it is hitting me hard. I will get through it. But it is freaking hard.

Anyone with helpful tips or books...?

DeadMumWalking posted 8/2/2013 13:57 PM

No helpful tips, but my 1st one will be leaving in about a month to month and a half so I know what you're going through.....

((((redrock))))

Lucky2HaveMe posted 8/2/2013 14:00 PM

It sounds like you and she have a great relationship! She's gone only temporarily and is only a text, phone call, Skype away.

By the time your youngest leaves you will be popping the champagne!

But the celebration will be short lived when they start coming back!

Hang in there, mom. We do survive.

[This message edited by Lucky2HaveMe at 2:00 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]

redrock posted 8/2/2013 14:23 PM

But the celebration will be short lived when they start coming back!

That is so true!

I have a friend who's son wants to live at home after college cause no apartment meets his 'standard'. His mom told him it's not about standards- it's about budgets and good luck!!!!!

Thanks for a the laugh!

TrustNoOne posted 8/2/2013 14:36 PM

"Managing Transitions"

It is a corporate change management book but it directly corralates to all the changes we encounter in life.

Change is hard; whether it's good or bad.

Recognizing our personal triggers~ what stresses us; acknowledging that we feel a sense of loss and mourn it; and celebrate the future even if sometimes entirely unnknown is the best formula for success.

Cherish the memories, Mom. You've done great!! Don't spend more than a little time looking in the rearview mirror though - that's not the direction you, or you're beautiful, talented, intelligent and motivated daughter are headed!

Newlease posted 8/2/2013 15:49 PM

I didn't even try to hide it. When my baby (who is now 29 yo) had his final year in high school, I was the one with a camera and some Kleenex blubbering like a fool at all his events. His classmates would tease him about it and he would just say, "Yes, that's my mama - she can't help it."

When we dropped him at college - only 1 1/2 hours away I held it together until we left to come home. Cried all the way home. And every time he came home to visit and left to go back, I waited until his car was out of the neighborhood and then had a good cry.

It all turned around after he graduated and moved back in. By the time he flew the nest for the last time, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Sometimes, it just takes a little more time to let go.

NL

Kajem posted 8/2/2013 15:56 PM

In less than 3 weeks - I'll be popping the champagne. My last (of 4) is on her way to college.

My first went 15 hours and 5 states away... I cried almost the whole way home. Her twin sister was 2 hours away.... and ALWAYS home on weekends. 2 years later, middle DD went almost 4 hours away.. now youngest will go to the same school DD3 goes to.

When DD1 told me she wanted to go so far away, my first reaction was NO!!! She was accepted, and we toured the campus. When we got there my heart sunk... I could 'see' her there... I felt it was where she belonged. My gut was telling me to let go.

They don't really leave, we facetime, skype, text and talk ALOT. I made them all promise to call each sunday...They do.

When they come home all is great for about 2-3 weeks.. then I am ready for them to leave and have my normal routine back. I think that is nature's way of helping us to let them fly the nest with love.

When DD1 graduated in May, she didn't want to come home. She is working 2 PT jobs to be able to afford to stay 5 states away. I am happy for her. I still see her as being there... she found her passion/career and she is pursuing it. I couldn't be prouder.

It's ok to cry.... I did for about 3 states on the way home. She never saw it.

Hugs, Mama you raised her to be independent... this is the start of her great adventure... It will be awesome to watch her achieve her dreams.

K

[This message edited by Kajem at 3:58 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]

UndecidedinMA posted 8/2/2013 18:11 PM

Give yourself a moment with her before the aprty, maybe a few days before. Talk to her about what you are feeling, she may be just as sad in a way too.

I know when my DS left, it was hard but now I talk to him more in aweek than I think I did when he was 18

kernel posted 8/2/2013 20:53 PM

She is so happy, excited and I will not step on that in any way.

Focus on this when you get weepy - it helps. I went through this with youngest DD - I could have written your post. Her college was the perfect fit for her and she was soooo ready for it. The more I thought about how excited and happy she was, the easier it was to swallow the tears. Cried like a baby after dropping her off though! We talked about it a couple years later and she told me how hard it was for her when we left - she said if I had cried in front of her, she would have lost it. I was determined to hold it together because I didn't want to make it any harder for her. We got through it but it's tough.

Just remember her excitement is a sign of what a great job you did raising her to be independent and smart and brave. ((redrock))

authenticnow posted 8/3/2013 08:49 AM

(((redrock)))

When we dropped DD off at college I cried the whole way home. I said to LD, "Who is she going to eat dinner with tonight?" The thought of her being alone and eating a meal feeling lonely broke my heart.

She called us on the ride home and said, "I'm going to a res hall meeting and then going to dinner with D, J, L and M!" She sounded so excited.

I went home and laid in her bed and smelled her pillow and cried.

It was hard. It got easier. She texted me every day and seeing her flourish and mature and expand her world filled my heart.

She will be a senior this year. I can't believe it.

You'll be okay .

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