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Is this rude?

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bluelady posted 8/2/2013 17:07 PM

Or am I being overly sensitive?

SO and I agreed to babysit our niece for a week while her parents (my sister and her fiance) are at a family wedding a number of provinces away. We love our niece and the fact that she's coming to stay is not an imposition for us. We're looking forward to it.

Well, earlier in the week, my sister contacts me and says that there may be a bug in the plans. Niece's daycare has had an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease and niece caught it. At that point (I think it was Wednesday) I told my sister that if niece was not well enough to travel, we would go and watch her there (she was supposed to come here because we live near the beach and other fun things we could do with her). My sister said she wanted to wait a couple of days to see how niece felt before making a decision.

Now, sister and fiance's flight is at 7 am Sunday morning at an airport a little over an hour from MY home (4 hours from theirs) because the plan all along was for niece to come here. Therefore, they will need to come at least that far tomorrow, and stay with friends of theirs who live nearer the airport than we do.

Yesterday rolls around and I still haven't heard whether niece is coming here or we are going there. I give my sister a call and she kind of gives me the run around. Doesn't really answer the question. I remind her that I need to know as soon as she does because we have things to organize. Either we buy groceries and clean the house if we're staying here or do a ton of laundry and find a cat sitter for our cats if we're going. She said she'd let us know.

This morning, I still hadn't heard anything. So, I called my mom to see if she knew (sister and niece are staying with my mom while they're waiting to get into their new house). Mom has no idea. Sister has gone to the next town over to pick up fiance (who works away 3 weeks out of 5) who was just getting back into town. Says that she's supposed to watch niece this afternoon while sister and fiance go sign some paperwork and she'll remind them to contact me.

So, finally I get a text saying that niece will be coming to us and that they're driving down tomorrow. I offered to drive to the city with the airport so they don't have to come all the way here, just to turn around and drive back. I tell her to let me know when and where she wants to meet.

That was this morning. I called her a few minutes ago to ask her if she could bring a few of my things that I had forgotten the last time I visited my parents. I asked her if she had knew approximately when they would be in town. She said she had no clue. "Sometime between...2 and 8" was her response. Uh....okaaay. She told me that she and fiance have had "literally NO time to talk about it" and she would let me know.

Then she told me that she didn't know where we could meet, as she doesn't really know the city. So, I was trying to figure out a good place, but I wanted to know whether it would be a straight transfer, and therefore we could just find a parking lot, whether niece would need to run a bit after 4 hours in the car, and therefore we could find a park, whether it would be best to find a restaurant and have a bite to eat, etc. She got a bit exasperated at me and told me that she's so concerned over the flight (she's a nervous flyer) that she doesn't have room in her head for other things right now. So, again, I told her to let me know and ended the conversation.

Is she being rude or am I being sensitive. Some of you may remember that my sister and I are not on the best terms right now and it is possible that I'm reading more into this than is necessary. I just think that if it were me, I'd have plans for my child on lock down early for the ease of all involved.

gahurts posted 8/2/2013 17:13 PM

It sounds to me like your sister has a lot on her plate and that while you are just trying to get some clarification and organization, she may be feeling overwhelmed right now.

Crescita posted 8/2/2013 17:16 PM

Iíd quit giving her options. She apparently doesnít like to make decisions, and being more accommodating isnít going to change that. Just tell her what works for you and if she doesnít like it she can suck it up, or figure something else out. You are the one doing her the favor.

jrc1963 posted 8/2/2013 17:43 PM

Personally, I think If you told her...

"Meet me at xyz at this time and we'll make the transfer..."

You might actually be doing her a favor by taking the worry about that off her very overloaded plate.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to be rude (and yes, I followed your previous post about your relationship with her) - I just don't think she's got the decision making gene.

And yes, due to your recent run-in's with her I think you might just be reading a little bit into this.

If she's a nervous flyer that might be taking up a lot of space in her brain right now.

Amazonia posted 8/2/2013 17:56 PM

I agree that she sounds incredibly overwhelmed. She probably knows she can rely on you, so you become an easy thing to not focus on, whereas she has to figure out XYZ thousand other variables. Your constant calls, texts, and having mom bug her to call you are probably adding to her stress level immensely.

Dreamboat posted 8/2/2013 19:32 PM

Is she being rude or am I being sensitive.

I think a little of both.

I agree with the other posters that say you need to take control of the exchange. Find a place that does offer room to run around because your niece will need to let out some steam after a several hour drive. I would suggest a fast food place that has a playground (most McDonalds do, and many of the other chains usually have a playground). That way if anyone needs a drink or a bite to eat then it is convenient, plus it gives your niece a place to run around and have some fun.

So find a place, and tell your sis that you want to meet there between 4 and 6 (or 2 and 4 or whatever, but give a 2-3 hour window). Once she agrees to the time frame and place, then tell her to call you when they are leaving so you know when to meet them. Be firm about that, tell her that it is important that she calls you when they are pulling out of the driveway. Otherwise you will be waiting around all day wondering when you are supposed to be there.

Good luck and have fun with your little niece!!

bluelady posted 8/2/2013 19:36 PM

Thanks for the input, guys. I figured I was being a little sensitive. I'm finding myself being very critical of her (in my head, not outloud) since, and because of I'm sure, our run in last month, so I'm sure that's colouring things.

I'll text her a little later to nail down a meeting spot.

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