SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Starting year 2

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

CLRhope4her posted 8/2/2013 20:15 PM

At the one year mark in June I felt good. I felt like we were on track and going back to the old us. But I asked if he still misses the OW/Ex-BFF? He said yes. Very rarely, but yes. And that part of him sees her as a good person who made a horrible mistake - like him. And that he wonders how her and her family are-hoping they are ok.

After that I've continued to plummet emotionally and mentally. After a year I assumed he would finally 'get it'. But at that moment it's like I 'got it'. She will be a ghost. A ghost I have constant memories of from the last 25 years. Who is now a part of my WH's past and holds a piece of history (and his heart?)

My WH is doing right-he's accountable, affectionate, open, honest. He told me he saw her recently and as he drove by as she stared, he completely ignored. But with every good deed I can't help but remind myself of the fact she holds a place in his heart I'll apparently never touch. He says its not like that and I'm panicking. And sadly I can see that too. I second guess my whole life. What tv show should I watch (what did she watch), should I like that shirt (would she wear it)? I have no idea who I am anymore.

Is year two a year of second guessing, sadness and depression or is my situation aiding in these feelings? I work hard at pretending happiness and normal. After all-no one knows of the A to protect her kids, my family and her H's family. (Small town). I feel I'm going crazy.

crazyblindsided posted 8/2/2013 20:24 PM

Year 2 has been a struggle with reality for me too. I think year 2 is when we see the situation quite clearly and it's ugly and it hurts

I identify with the hollow feeling left knowing that this will always be a part of the M.

Many days I wonder if D is my only way back to sanity.

Sorry you are hurting.

AFrayedKnot posted 8/2/2013 21:28 PM

Is year two a year of second guessing, sadness and depression or is my situation aiding in these feelings?

That is exactly how I found the second year. At least up until recently. We are just past 20 months and I am coming out of a depressed phase. We amped up some of things we were slacking at. And I have found a new zest for R.

Zayda1 posted 8/2/2013 21:43 PM

Yeah, year 2 has been horrible for me as well. We have discussed divorce, but currently are trying to fight out way back to R.

I second guess every move I make. I second guess WH's commitment, my own reasons for staying and my actions in R (am I doing enough, am I fixing my issues).

RidingHealingRd posted 8/3/2013 00:35 AM

The problem you face is not year #2 it is this:

she holds a place in his heart

AP should be a non-entity in your WH world, especially 1yr post dday.

He sees her as a good person who made a horrible mistake? Seriously, this was a choice. They both made a selfish choice that caused you tremendous pain. Good people do not make selfish choices that
completely annihilate another persons world.

There is no place in successful R for a WS to waste any energy/thought on the AP. Your WH needs to make you his #1 priority ~ ALWAYS.

Gently I say: I would not stand for this, not one minute. If he misses her, even a speck, I would pack his bags for him and escort him out of the house. Let him see what life is like missing YOU.

{{{CLRhope4her}}}


Kelany posted 8/3/2013 02:04 AM

First, you should stop comparing yourself to her. Who cares what she watched or what shirt she'd wear. You are YOU and uniquely so. Why would you want to be like her when she has zero moral compass?

I lost myself for quite some time, but I'm back on track with the help of a great therapist. I'm finding things about me that I didn't even know I had and I really like me.

But what I really agree with is this:

AP should be a non-entity in your WH world, especially 1yr post dday.

He sees her as a good person who made a horrible mistake? Seriously, this was a choice. They both made a selfish choice that caused you tremendous pain. Good people do not make selfish choices that
completely annihilate another persons world.

There is no place in successful R for a WS to waste any energy/thought on the AP. Your WH needs to make you his #1 priority ~ ALWAYS.

Gently I say: I would not stand for this, not one minute. If he misses her, even a speck, I would pack his bags for him and escort him out of the house. Let him see what life is like missing YOU.

Until he can figure that crap out? Your real R will never truly begin. This is on HIM, not you. And don't you dare try to change yourself to be more like her for him either. You stay YOU.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.