This happened before we knew a "special" friendship was infidelity. Before I knew the terms EA, PA and anything else.
Now H is worried that he will try to contact me again. I've done my best to reassure H that I have no interest. The EA was never a sexual content. It was a friendship plain and simple. I know that crosses the boundary because it excluded my H. If I'm honest, I know that eventually it probably would have gone to a sexual relationship. We were having trouble in our M instead of talking to each other H withdrew and I turn to the friend.
I'm worried if he does try to contact me. Our M is in a good place. Better than its been in a long time. I just don't want anything to rock the boat.
I don't miss friend per se but I miss having that friendship. After that I was always careful not to let anybody get into our marriage. Even my female friends aren't that close.
You would think after my husband's affair I'd be willing to guard our marriage with my life. And I am. I just miss the friendship.
So get out the 2x4's. I think that's what I'm going to need to help me put this into perspective.
If the AP attempts contact, immediately let your H know. Change your e-mail, phone number, etc. If the AP becomes more threatening by say, riding by your house every hour, calling and hanging up, etc. that's harassment and although a restraining order doesn't guarantee he'll stay away, it will sure as shit help in court if ever needed.
I know you said you missed the friendship, why don't you have that with your H? Is there communication between you two regarding this? Maybe the AP spoke your Love Language where as your H didn't. In this case, learn each others Love Languages. Tell him your needs and concerns.
As for the OM, as long as you're transparent and let your H know if you do get contacted, then all is fine. You can't control the OM. Your H cannot control the OM. So don't worry about things you can't control.
This friend and I have always been close. We grew up together.
I get that I messed this up by developing feelings for him, but I still miss our friendship.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
As for missing the friendship, could it be you miss the feelings you had with this person? If so, perhaps you should look at them more closely. What exactly *were* those feelings?
I understand wanting to maintain a childhood friendship - you have a history together that's impossible to have with your H - but people grow up and grow apart. It's part of life.
Let your H be your best friend but not your *only* friend. Be a friend to yourself as well. I had to learn to do this myself. Part of my why was I didn't like myself, I didn't know how to validate myself as a person. Perhaps you need to learn that as well.
[This message edited by Clarrissa at 7:36 PM, August 9th (Friday)]
All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.