I haven't posted for a few weeks as things had been going really well. WH was working hard to speak my love language, he was actively engaging in counseling, he realized his affair was a mistake, his actions matched his words, etc...and we were both very happy and optimistic about our future.
Last night he told me that he broke NC two weeks ago. He had seen a disturbing news story that may have impacted OW and her family, so he sent her an email saying he hoped all was ok. She responded and indicated that her husband was ok with them reestablishing communication as he thought it would help his and her healing, and from there my WH and the OW exchanged several emails and had two phone calls over the course of five days. That was ten days ago and there has been no new contact since...but he wants to continue a relationship with her.
WH saved all the emails and told me that he wanted to be transparent from the beginning, but that this started just as we were about to leave on a big family vacation. He didn't want to cause me pain at that time so he didn't tell me until las night,, and of course we had a great vacation. So in his mind he was trying to do the right thing but sees that he screwed up. I told him that this latest betrayal by breaking NC and not telling me immediately is more devastating than the original affair (I suspected that whereas the breaking of NC came out of the blue when thing were seemingly so great), and that I have to reassess our future if OW is in his life even as a long distance friend.
So now WH says he is sad that he will have to say goodbye to OW again and scared that my distrust and feeling of betrayal will cause me to end the marriage. I can't believe he thought there was any chance of me being ok with this - and I am alternating between devastation and total anger at his most recent actions.
I know I should start the 180 and start protecting myself, but in the meantime I am so devastated by the realization that I thought we were on a great path and actually weren't....and that he is still totally in the fog. He says he absolutely loves me and doesn't feel that for her...but he was willing to risk everything to send her a stupid email. Please help...