SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Why does this bother me?

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

fireproof posted 8/4/2013 08:45 AM

I have a friend I have known close to 20 years. I stood by her when everyone lost touch of her. She stopped calling people. Fast forward 7 years and I no matter what always call her because she has a rough time of things and I care. We check in etc. She is very bright but quits every job she has and doesn't see what will happen if she doesn't have a job- now granted her jobs are stressful.

The thing is I care about her but 6 months ago I called her and she never responded and I card again assuming she was not feeling well and worried. She wrote back that she can't talk due to her life and she would be in touch. Ok so I left it but last month hadn't heard and I am one of her only friends and she doesn't respond - just told her if she needed anything etc. There have been a lot of changes on my end and I have an off feeling about her end.

I don't know why I feel this way but as much as I have been there which she has stated I understand her needing time but what if I did and I don't really need her support. Is she actually a good friend?

Most of the others think she is self absorbed but I know she isn't in her heart. She just can't handle life.

Do I just let it go and stop checking in with her? Is that being a good friend on my part? I guess I would be hurt because when things are better or she needs me she will write and she would have missed major times in my life.

I don't know maybe it is just feeling hurt.

cmego posted 8/4/2013 08:56 AM

I've had the same thing happen to me. My very best friend from the time I was 14 and I lost touch. She was in a car accident in college, has some major FOO issues, and started dropping off the radar post college. She would "poof" for a few months, then it would be 6 months, then come back strong because she "felt better", then poof again for 6 or 9 months.

She was there for me when my father passed away several years ago...hopped on a plane and stood by me. But then poofed again.

She didn't return any phone call, never returned any letter or Christmas card...nothing. Nothing for several years now.

I felt bad "giving up", but there is something mentally off on her end that I can't fix. I still miss her and think about her, but I can't fix her.

I had to let go...

hurtinky posted 8/4/2013 10:21 AM

Let it go.

If she shows back up, be careful.

Who needs this???

fireproof posted 8/4/2013 22:41 PM

Thanks- I just didn't want to feel like I abandon her but good friends keep in touch no matter the situation good or bad.

I am going to let it go. Thank you!

persevere posted 8/4/2013 23:24 PM

People have different ways of coping, or maybe not coping, in this situation. Isolating herself may be her way, I've done it sometimes since DDay but never to that extreme.

I agree - you go with your life. You've let her know you're there - that's all you can do. You're a good friend fireproof - but there's only so much you can do.

CluelessGuy posted 8/5/2013 07:59 AM

That's not much of a friend on her end, fireproof. Let it go.

Amazonia posted 8/5/2013 08:11 AM

I don't think you're abandoning her. I think she already abandoned her.

If she comes back, it's okay to be there, but for now, I think you need to let it go.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.