For past few days I am all over the place.
In all this chaos for few mins every once in a while I felt very grounded. Very much in control of myself. Felt really powerful. Almost felt like “I have got this.” With this there came a feeling “I am awesome”. Since childhood this has been my internal dialogue. Its been a really long time since I have felt like this. Almost few years now.
Anyways whenever I felt like that like maybe for 5 mins in a day, I dragged myself out of that place. Almost beat myself for feeling like that. How could I even think like that after this shit storm?
If I feel like this, does it mean I am minimizing or rugsweeping? Is it arrogance? Does it mean I am being disrespectful to CL’s pain? How do I find a balance?
I hate being in a place where I am unsure of each and everything.