I understand, we all understand how unbearable this is. As a divorcee and as person who has greived the normal use of her legs both in the course of 5 years, I have hitted the rock-bottom twice and back. I understand DOUBLY the temptation of self-medicating the emotional pain when the pills are right there.
Numbing the pain has a terrible side effect : it delays your greif and therefore impairs your capacity for emotional healing. Don't tamper with this.
Susan Anderson has a wonderful exercise in her book Journey from Abandonment to healing. It's called Staying in the moment. It WORKS. It saved my sanity during the A and the D. I also used it when I was confronted with the wheelchair. It saved my life.
Another activity that is proven is exercise. The bonus with this one is that it releases powerful, naural, good soothing chemicals in your brain. Even if it's just taking a 15 minutes walk on your lunch break (I told that to a divorcing friend who was sedentary. He ended up running a marathon a year later. That's how addictive exercise chemicals are, it seems!)
If you feel you need some serious chemical help, consider seeing your Md for something that's safe and appropriate for what you are going through. Many of us had to. You won't get numb with the good prescription of ADs, just strong enough to go through the healing process instead of over it.
Getting as healthy as possible will allow you to think better, feel better and heal better. I know that for a fact.
Hang in there. It will get better. Trust me.