Monday morning...time to be blunt. Feeling really uneasy about your insistence on going. In my recovery from alcohol and drugs (18+ years), one of the things they strongly suggest (especially early on) is changing your "people, places, and things". Those are triggers. And many parallel's have been made here on SI regarding people, place, and thing triggers.
What you're saying (imho, reading between the lines) in you post is: "I want my betrayed husband to go to a trigger-fest with me, where I'll be in the same airspace as my xAP and his spouse and family". That's what I'm hearing you say. Is this really healthy for YOU? Is this really healthy for your betrayed spouse? Part of me is thinking WTF?!?!
I am EXTREMELY paranoid about seeing anyone of them.
You should be...as they are all triggers, and your xAP is still, IMHO, resonating quite deeply with you.
Not going is not an option.
Um...sorry...but YES it is. It is the BEST option. It is the ONLY option, as I see it, again, IMHO.
Sorry to be blunt, but you are seeming to want to white knuckle an "I don't want to give up a people trigger, and a place trigger" avoidable event in your life, and asking us to please tell you that's okay. It isn't...again, IMHO...from where I sit. Sorry. And, yes, this is from a WS "guilty of a stupid NC breach" not all that long ago.
You really want to put this festival ahead of your recovery, and your marriage? And stop to think for a minute how this must really feel, deep down for your betrayed spouse.
I am in a situation where my xAP and her husband and family are in the same small town. There are places and times where I know I can "accidentally" bump into her or them. Those are triggers, and I am avoiding them, and avoiding doing some things and avoiding going to some places I VERY MUCH LOVED (going back to my youth)...because it is the right thing for me, for my spouse, and for my marriage.
I'm envisioning an alternate track for you during this upcoming festival. You say to your spouse "Honey, I think it would be best if we didn't go to the festival. I checked online, and there's a really fun sounding __________ an hour in the opposite direction. I've packed a picnic with your favorite salad and that salty sweet dark chocolate bar we love. I also put some tunes on the ipod we can play from the car as we gaze out at the puffy clouds. Let's drive, talk, connect. Just us. When we get there, we can meet new people, and see new things".
I've been actively searching for just those types of events for me and my spouse, and our family. I don't want to go to the tainted, compromised places I went when I was lying, cheating, and stealing from them. Do you?
Go in the kitchen, whip up that salad, and avoid that "unmissable" festival like the unhealthy trigger-fest is sounds like.
Sorry, all of this is IMHO, and I am now officially stepping off my soap box. I do wish you good luck, and am glad you brought the topic and how you are feeling up.
[This message edited by JustDesserts at 11:49 AM, August 5th (Monday)]