or am I somehow losing my mind.
I haven't posted for awhile - I guess I might've been fooled in to thinking, or rather hoping that the whole infidelity storm had or was beginning to pass over.
It hasn't, nor does it seem that it's about to.
A new multi-screened cinema has opened in my mind, with several showings (including middle of the night performances) of all too familiar feature length 'scenes' played out in the most incredible detail - very clear images/perfectly narrated/great sound effects etc etc - mostly factual- stuff I had seen myself (during the springtime of 2011)...(fWH and OW together/their fb messaging/what OW said to me etc etc). And the lies he told - so many, all nonsense, I 'hear' his crappy lies over and over, goodness knows how or why he expected and thought i'd believe any of his *hit.
I hate that i'm feeling so crappy, and after two years- I'm sick and tired of fWH and OW and their cheating occupying space in and taking energy from my mind.
May be i'm going through a bad patch, may be it's one of those times when, for reason(s) not known to me that I switch on to replay- it's not good tho... i'm struggling right now, a lot and i'm kinda angry with myself for allowing it to take up residence in my head.
I've wondered why I started feeling so bad (again). Just as I thought I was getting a little better - I was gradually feeling a little more grounded, more settled within myself and my life felt calm(er)- I felt that I had regained some peace of mind.
it's the one step forward and two steps back scenario it seems.
I hate this feeling - it's not nice, not good, not worth it, and it's not me.
wish I could be 'me' again, just for awhile - wouldn't that be good. Just the thought of ER and how she used to be prior to the spring of 2011 makes me .
[This message edited by englishrose at 2:12 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]