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Will swoon for decent treatment

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InnerLight posted 8/4/2013 16:55 PM

I've been w SO for 3 years and I am still impressed by little things he does. My father was an extremely self centered man and rarely showed me much consideration or thoughtfulness. My XH also could be very thoughtless, but it was so familiar I didn't think much of it. I mean it bummed me out when he took me out for valentines and then bitched about the expense but I didn't leave him then like I should have bec I was used to having my feelings ignored.

Now I am with a man who opens doors for me, who makes me tea in the morning. If I say I'm thirsty at his home there is a drink in my hand in 5 mins. When I expressed some sadness over a lowering of romance within a week he sent me a dozen roses and took me to a fancy restaurant I'd been wanting to go to for a year. This weekend he cooked a great meal for me and cleaned up, and when I tried to help he suggested I relax on the couch with a glass of delicious wine he bought for me.

He can't offer me a fancy lifestyle but I am almost giddy by these gestures of consideration he makes for me.

I really don't know if I am too easily pleased because of the long desert of male thoughtlessness I've crossed or if how happy this makes me is normal.


[This message edited by InnerLight at 4:56 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

Speechless101 posted 8/4/2013 17:10 PM

His actions show you his love! Very happy for you!

jo2love posted 8/4/2013 17:16 PM

He sounds like an amazing, wonderful person.

who makes me tea in the morning

This is priceless.

phmh posted 8/4/2013 17:50 PM

I don't think you're too easily pleased. It sounds like your SO is treating you with basic human decency -- probably the way you treated your XWH but didn't get reciprocated to you.

My IC told me that when I was in a good relationship with a healthy man, I wouldn't even believe how much better it would be, and how little I accepted from XWH. It's so true, and I'm glad you found it!!!

FaithFool posted 8/4/2013 19:09 PM

Griefstricken25 posted 8/4/2013 19:44 PM

He's listening, he's speaking your love language. He sounds like a keeper.

9.10.11 posted 8/5/2013 05:38 AM

InnerLight, I know exactly what you mean, btdt.

Be sure to show him how much you appreciate his care and love. It really makes a guy happy to know what he does is appreciated.

He sounds like a great guy, you deserve it.

NaiveAgain posted 8/5/2013 06:17 AM

I am so happy for you IL.

He sounds like a wonderful and thoughtful man and I am so glad you are happy. I don't think this means you are easily pleased. I think it means you understand and appreciate when someone treats you well and that is a good thing.

I am enjoying the same type of relationship right now. It is amazing what a difference it makes when your partner actually CARES how you feel or what you are thinking. I also appreciate it and I do tell him, because I also think it is important we don't take for granted the wonderful little things our partners do for us that make us feel good.

WhiteWolfWinning posted 8/5/2013 11:23 AM

How wonderful for both of you: He treats you like the special person you are, and you notice him for the special person he is.

better4me posted 8/5/2013 11:27 AM

(Note to self: do not settle for less than this)

InnerLight posted 8/5/2013 13:50 PM

I do let him know how happy he makes me feel, how successful he is with me and I see this makes him happy too.

Recently I made him a mini scrapbook about us, just a simple thing with two 3x3 envelopes stuck together so there is a front, an inner spread and the back. Inside the envelope slots are pieces of paper with a photo of us on either side, so altogether 8 photos and rubber stamped messages that say, 'You make me smile.' 'You make me happy.' and 'I freakin' love you.' No handwriting. He has it on his table. Yes, I know, it's so girly of me but it was fun to make and give.

He really doesn't have much money. A very old car. A small apartment with an uncomfortable couch. He works 2 jobs and is brilliant at what he does, it is just not a field that pays or offers security. And because he's working so much, he doesn't have time for going away, even for camping.

I also don't have a lot of financial security so when I worry about my future i admit to wondering if I should have found a man with more $. Sigh. Sad to admit this!

The decent treatment is worth a lot. Feeling happy with someone is worth a lot. Mostly I feel grateful for what we have together.

I pass by fancy homes and with fancy cars in the driveway and hope the couples inside are happy too.

NaiveAgain posted 8/5/2013 16:13 PM

I also don't have a lot of financial security so when I worry about my future i admit to wondering if I should have found a man with more $. Sigh. Sad to admit this!
Yeah, I get this part because I'm in the same boat financially also. I do worry about my financial future. But I have been with guys where I was quite comfortable financially and it wasn't worth it to stay.

So far, this one is worth it.

tryingagain74 posted 8/5/2013 16:23 PM

Swoon, indeed! How lovely!

SoHappyNow posted 8/5/2013 18:48 PM

I agree: he's a keeper.

InnerLight posted 8/5/2013 19:38 PM

Thanks for your affirmations that feeling so taken by such simple gestures of caring is not a sign of pathology! I've been through so much I can easily second guess myself.

He also takes my trash and recycling to his home sometimes since I have no garbage service.

If I some little consciousness raising or old-belief-clearing exercise I would like to share with him, he is game. One day we did TAT together (Tapas Acupressure Technique), another day we timed 15 minutes to walk around in nature and write down what our senses picked up and shared what we wrote. I am touched by his willingness.

We still do a weekly formal 'check-in'. In person with physical contact.

What's positive about the relationship.
What's positive in my life.
What worries me.
My hopes.
Re-affirm the relationship.

We've been doing that for about 18 months.

OK I think I'll keep him.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 7:42 PM, August 5th (Monday)]

asurvivor posted 8/5/2013 19:44 PM

My God...please tell me he forgets to put the toilet seat down.

InnerLight posted 8/5/2013 19:58 PM

Mostly he remembers to put the seat down for me.

Williesmom posted 8/5/2013 21:36 PM

Great post. It's crazy that we ever accepted less from our prior relationships.

gardenparty posted 8/6/2013 18:15 PM

I know exactly where you are coming from. The first time SO took out the garbage AND put the new bag in without being asked I almost started to cry. It was just so unexpected. Your fella sounds like a keeper for sure.

NaiveAgain posted 8/6/2013 20:47 PM

We still do a weekly formal 'check-in'. In person with physical contact.
I love that. Isn't it nice to have someone that cares so much about you and the relationship that they are actually willing to put some effort into it?

We also have a nightly ritual (started by him.) Every night, we each name one thing about our partner we are thankful about. It is my favorite game....

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