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sorta vent: am I doing something wrong, here?

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Loyalty2Liberty posted 8/4/2013 17:53 PM

I welcome having men as friends. Not "friends". Not friends with benefits, just the way two streight people of the same gender are friends, but without being exclusive to just one gender.

Men seem to not comprihend this. They ask me out and when I say that I don't want to date, they argue with me, try to convince me to date, etc. I make it crystal clear.

I.
am.
not.
interested.

Doesn't improve matters. I eventually give up and decline to engage them in conversation ever again.

Is this some new dating culture thing the kids are doing these days? You know a girl wants you when she tells you no?

hurtfornow posted 8/4/2013 18:09 PM

Not to be harsh, but evidently, without any real knowledge of the friendship, it appears that if they try and convince you to date them, they are not friendship worthy.

How are you meeting/talking to these men if you are not wanting to date?

ladies_first posted 8/4/2013 18:24 PM

How about leaving out the word "friend," which is, clearly, open to different connotations...

Address only the topic at hand:
*Thanks for the dinner invite. I'm not dating now, but I'd love to grab a hamburger on Tuesday and split the bill.
*Thanks for the invite to come over and watch a movie. That's just a movie, right, nothing else?
*Thanks for the invitation to hang out. Can I bring a girlfriend along, too? Shall I bring a 6-pack or a bag of chips?

Keep it light.

Loyalty2Liberty posted 8/4/2013 18:24 PM

People I meet hanging arround. Neighbors, store clerks, people using public transit at the same time as me, neighborhood block parties, volunteering, just making polite conversation.

Basicly, I go arround minding my business, but am not exceptionally unfriendly about it. This leads to conversing with people. I approach mostly women, but am approached by mostly men.

Most of these conversations go well. Conversations are had. Networking is done.

But it's when men show an interest in dating that things go down hill. I don't want to be friends with people who don't take no for an answer, but I get it often enough to wonder if I'm sending some kinda wrong signal.

hurtfornow posted 8/4/2013 18:37 PM

Maybe the "not unfriendly about it" is them reading into your actions. It could be that they see what they want and really do not care what your feelings/wants are, but just what they want.

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