I'm learning to be weary-to the extreme-of things Nearly Exh says about money. He's done the "crazy making" thing for such a long time that I'm getting used to it, but money is kind of a black and white thing. Even if it's hidden, it can be uncovered, over time.
A hard lesson to learn has been that he will say one thing to me, no matter what the mode of transport for the words, all the while another -the action itself-thing is going on and he thinks not only is this ok, but he thinks I'm na´ve and won't catch it.
You're some steps ahead of me, as there have been too many changes for me to process, but kudos for separating what you can already.
It does sound like you're moving on, and I'm glad you're questioning her and hopefully not just accepting the words anymore.
FWIW for empathy, I've seen some of the spending reports and am sick to my stomach thinking that Nearly ExH spent money on Floozy and the A while we not only suffered, but have been close to financially losing the house.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.