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Helen of Troy posted 8/4/2013 18:55 PM

Stop me from sending an emotional reply because I am really pissed off and creeped out right now.

"As I understand it and have seen in pictures you continue to use the black Coach purse I bought for <dd>. if she is not allowed to have it then it needs to be sent back to me. If she is allowed to have it but you continue to carry it I will be deducting the cost of the purse from monies owed to you. I did not buy that purse for you to carry. I bought it for <dd> bottom line. Also any item you seem inappropriate for the girls which we purchase shall be returned to us not thrown away. If you don't approve that is your choice however it is not your right to throw away,donate or otherwise get rid of gifts from us to the girls.
<fucktard who is jealous that WGB's SO took her and the girls to their first ever pro sports game, something that I never did>"

First I carry the purse because dd hated it and gave it to me. Second while on this pro sports trip with kids and SO he sends a pic of himself to dd with the Coach emblem in the background. Third I don't throw away or donate anything. I did go through teen dd room when she entered residential treatment and cleaned. When you violate trust you lose your privacy plus structuring her environment for an environment more conducive to recovery. She was angry about this and probably told her dad and embellished the story or left out details like the above. Also he if he tries to "deduct" anything that won't hold up in court. "Well she threw away child's gifts, I heard, well no I don't live there well no i only see them one weekend a month and I live out of town" DAFUQ?! REALLY?!
LASTLY: DO I REPLY with a defense or give him crickets?!
Angry angry angry.
What an immature stupid jealous insane man.
What a bully and control freak. Furthurmore what type of dumbass CREEPS on my photos and where? Why is he looking at pictures of me and where does he see them. I do NOT go looking for pictures of him nor do I even care.
Help me out with advice or even a witty remark making fun of this would be very much appreciated.
Laughing at him helps with the tension, so please take a swing.

justabrokendream posted 8/4/2013 19:04 PM

cricket's - what a dick....

caregiver9000 posted 8/4/2013 19:16 PM

Oh, you IGNORE this. Don't even give him the sideways glance that his crazy train wreck self centered controlling asshole self warrants. Look away. Nothing NOTHING worth seeing there!!

But if you were to reply.............

You could send "oh, I liked dd's coach purse so much we got matching mother daughter purses. To go with our matching father ex voodoo dolls."

Or you could send him a receipt gift card in honor of type things for the donation you made in his name to an organization that does mental health research.

He is a controlling ass. I would be so tempted to send a "bring it dumbass" response. He'll deduct from monies owed. Did he not get the memo that he doesn't get to set your budget or how you spend your money or whether you and your DD's share shoes, clothing, earrings, or heaven forbid! breathe the air that he has allotted to his children!!!

He is an idiotic wart of humanity. You should have a pinata party in his honor.

BTW, I am on board for a good bashing of him at a moment's notice. If I ever miss a thread, send me a PM ok?

Griefstricken25 posted 8/4/2013 19:36 PM

Wow, what an entitled jerk! I'm sure there's more colourful words to describe him, but other SIers are better at that than I am.

Definitely crickets for him.

Urgh, these guys!!! 6 months after our separation, it was Christmas, and OW bought presents for my children, ages 6, 2, and 3 months old. Of course, since the 2 and 6 year olds had already been introduced MUCH earlier to OW, they were tickled pink to get extra presents. At that time, the 3 month old wasn't going on visits outside the home, so OW had not met her. But bought her a stuffed animal. The older children were allowed to keep their gifts, but I promptly took that teddy bear and donated it to charity. WEEKS later, because WXH visited the baby in my home, he asked where the teddy bear was (because he'd obviously snooped through my entire house). I honestly answered, "I don't know." Then he told me, "If you're not going to give it to her, I want it back, so *I* can give it to her and tell her who it's from when she's older.

I said nothing, because it's hard to think of a response to insanity. Whatever, buddy.

The kids and I moved a couple months later and he's never been inside my home again, thank goodness!

[This message edited by Griefstricken25 at 7:39 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

FirstLoveGone posted 8/4/2013 20:08 PM

Your non response to him will drive him batshit crazy. He is looking to get a response from you - don't feed into it.

What a fucking douche!

Nature_Girl posted 8/4/2013 20:20 PM

I would not reply to him, but I might forward it to my attorney. Strike that. I would forward it to my attorney.

Ashland13 posted 8/4/2013 20:25 PM

I'll chime in and agree with FirstLove. What was that show on tv with the saying, "Anything you say could be used against you"...that's how I think and operate now with nearly exh and it helps.

Most importantly, it's in our best interest not to be in contact when emotional-anger included. We can't take back what we say and sometimes writing when angry makes things more aggravated.

If it helps any, I have a hard time remembering that I don't owe nearly Exh anything and if he sends gifts, who knows who in the house may use them.

It would be my two cents opinion, too, to not let the purse or other gifts your kids don't like from him that you decide to use, be in pictures. Being sneaky that way isn't like me, but the times we're in aren't usual.

Is there any way that your daughter could reply so that you could stay uninvolved? It's not easy to tell someone we don't like a gift, but there must be some way that maybe she could get across to her father that she didn't use it and find a way to keep you out of it.

Then, if you have a lawyer, maybe you could ask them how to respond to him, if you have to at all. But I at least wouldn't reply while angered.

Housefulloflove posted 8/4/2013 20:30 PM

You probably shouldn't respond but I would make sure that bag makes as many cameos as possible ESPECIALLY whenever you take a picture. Although to be honest I would probably respond with "It was DD's purse and she could do whatever she wanted with it. She wanted to give it to me."...and then crickets.

My father bought me a coach purse too after my parents divorced. It looked like an old lady purse and I REFUSED to carry it. It was butt ugly and I didn't give a crap what the label said it was worth NOTHING to me.

I gave that purse to my mother who really like it! It was MY purse and I could do what I wanted with it. She probably still has it in her closet 13 years later.

dmari posted 8/4/2013 20:31 PM

Don't bother responding. It will just feed his ego. He is not worth any response. In fact, the silence will drive him ape-shit.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/4/2013 20:35 PM

Someone on here once said they respond to stuff like this:

"It will be interesting to see how that works out for you".

or "Interesting thought processes".

I am having to do "crickets" with the help of everyone on this site. Waiting 3 days from when I got the email has cleared my head.

Also, what else you could do is if he asks you about this email later say, "huh?".

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:35 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 8/4/2013 20:36 PM

Also someone else in this site told me to write down all the responses and post them here.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/4/2013 20:37 PM

Please, y'all.
Let's bow to the King!

OH<,, I don't know how to copy a picture from another thread!!

You can look on this Div/Sep forum and see my recent post where I asked for help on how to respond. I think it was AJsMom posted this with a hilarious picture that fits here!!!

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:39 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

SBB posted 8/5/2013 06:58 AM

Crickets. 100%. Zero response. I'd forward it to your L just for their info.

Let the fucker contact his L - I'd LOVE to see the reaction on their face.. Whaaaaa?

Lock all of your FB or whatever photos you have available online. Go to a computer you are not logged into and look yourself up to see what the public can see.

The upside here is that you can start closing whatever windows he has to your life. If you suspect someone is feeding him this info you may need to start weeding out 'mutual' friends/family.

Let the fucker choke on crickets.

Now for the fun stuff - come up with all sorts of witty responses here (that you'll never send or do of course. Don't let him be that important to you - he is not).

He is an idiotic wart of humanity. You should have a pinata party in his honor.


Did you ever see the garden gnome thing going around the internet years ago? I think a thief stole someones garden gnome and it got passed around around the world with people taking photos with it in front of various landmarks.

It would be HIL-arious to do that with the bag.

"Oh but the black, leathery dullness of it so reminds me of you. That and the fact that it was made from a cows arse".

"Please at least try to pretend your life is better this way, dude. Ironic that I've become so important in your life at a time when I couldn't want to be less important to you if I tried."

"Did you fall on your head in the divorce? I don't remember you being this stupid."
*great one from NIK's thread*

Sell it for a song on eBay and send him a cheque for the $0.99 after P&H. Open markets are fickle, y'know.

Seriously dude, I've heard of women starting fights WITH handbags but I've never heard of a dude starting a fight ABOUT a handbag. Thank you for the belly laugh.

Helen of Troy posted 8/5/2013 07:19 AM

thanks for the laughs.

Things remembered or learned from this thread:

1. A gift is just that. The giver does not get to decide what happens to the gift after the giftee gets it.

2. He is jealous about the family trip to sporting event, since he never did that for his own kids.

3. Relates to #2, he probably feels he has to try to create drama to keep me engaged.

4. I don't have the money he does so threatening to short me on what he owes is a bully move, a power play, an attempt to hit me where it hurts. (most arguments during the marriage involved him hitting below the belt/sensitive areas of mine so this should not be a surprise here post divorce)

5. OW/nw mistakenly thinks I want what she has. Um, no thanks. The purse isn't a big deal to me and name brand purses don't impress me. It's generic looking and matches so when dd offered it up, ok I'll use it.

6. He must live a pathetic life where he has to try to rain on someone's parade or put a cloud over someone's happiness. How sad. Happy content people do not start drama or try to tear others down or pull bully moves.

7. He couldn't prove those accusations anyway, right? He would be laughed out of court.

8. He is desperate for a response. He won't get one. I know his next move in this game will be to send me another email with more stingers like "I guess you know you steal from your kids and throw our gifts away! Your lack of response means you are guilty!" Or "What, so you've got nothing to say about that?"

9. I know not to reply when emotional or to sent him straight or to defend myself. It's tough though! Would a judge consider my lack of response as admission of guilt? what am I "guilty" of anyway? I have a right to run things in my home how I see fit just like a giftee has the right to use or not use a gift as s/he sees fit.

sparkysable posted 8/5/2013 10:05 AM

Is this guy for real with this purse? Seriously?

This is what I would be thinking, who in the hell is giving him access to my FB account?

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