I hate that it still has an effect. But it does. It isn't the same heart wrenching pain, not the rage and anger-now it is just energy sucking. It completely drains me.
Spending time with him is exhausting. He is so unpredictable in how he responds to me. He may treat me sweetly and tell me he is feeling close to me or he may look at me like I'm the biggest idiot on the planet for asking a simple question.
I now just feel tired and slightly weepy in his presence. Which is new. We are almost three years out. I never got the things I told him were necessary for R (no timeline, still getting new info, still occasionally find contact from work he hasn't told me about, never left his position working with COW.) He feels things are good. He thinks he is a model WS.
I want off the roller coaster. I want to stop allowing him to have such an impact on my emotional state and my energy. Anybody else experience anything similar? Did anything help?
He keeps it in check most of the time but it will occasionally spew out-especially if doing something difficult like a home project.
Yes, it was easier -- financially and emotionally -- to just hire a professional plumber. *I* saw that. But he had some pride issue going with plumbing that was irrational!
Is that what you're talking about?
We are almost three years out.
Do you have occasional "plumbing" problems?
Or is his disdain directed only at you?
Falling out of “love”: *Phase 1: disillusion and disappointment: Men were more likely to indicate that they withdrew, emotionally and/or physically, from their spouse. *Phase 2: anger, hurt and resentment: shut down, dismiss, devalue, avoid, detach, retreat, “de-invest,” attack, “the angry glare,” disdain *Phase 3: apathy and emotional indifference: devastation of “ambiguous loss” where the partners are in physical proximity but the emotional connection has been lost; dealing with long-term negative emotions, self-care, and acceptance of the partners emotional indifference [lack of strong positive emotion; low levels of love; relatively little negative emotion] turning points tended to fall into one of three categories: 1. spouses’ controlling behaviors; 2. spouses’ lack of responsibility; and 3. spouses’ lack of emotional support
If memory serves, it was a scholarly article from Lexus-Nexus.
But it doesn't sound like you have much good to counteract the bad. After 3 yrs? And he still works with the OW? Maybe this rollercoaster ride needs to end.
Reconciled
Plans are to leave when the time is right for DS and me. And it isn't now. I want to leave feeling good about myself, my efforts. I need to find a way to get my strength back/up and not let him have any effect on me. Just easier said than done.
