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sodamnlost posted 8/5/2013 11:46 AM

For awhile I played such a good turtle, head in my shell denying my issues of feeling inferior to my WH's OW. I have met her 3x, spent many hours texting her(yeah I know, dysfunction at it's highest, I'm done with her now and have been). So I know what she looks like, what she talks like, how she thinks etc. I can say from my head - she has NOTHING on me, not one thing. Well, ok she's a tad younger and has bigger boobs (but that's because she's a damn cow!). I am prettier, smarter, a nicer person, more stable, a better parent, a better person, more adventurous in bed, thinner and all over more interesting. SO WHY DO I FEEL INFERIOR?!?!?!?!? How do I get my heart to see what my head knows?

Chefj9 posted 8/5/2013 11:52 AM

I feel the same way. Still working on that. I don't have advice, just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Scubachick posted 8/5/2013 14:10 PM

Yeah, you're definately not alone. I've never been more jealous in my life. It kills me that after 18 years that she was worth it to betray me with. What gets me the most is that my husband doesn't have a lot of free time. He's a very private person and very rarely brings people into his inner circle and lets them see the personal side of him. What little free time he did have, he gave it to her. He also showed her a side of him that very few people see because he's so private. He took her to the only place we normally go. A place where employee's know us by first name. They know he's married. Like what he was doing wasn't bad enough that hehad to publicly embarrass me too.

SS2012 posted 8/5/2013 16:51 PM

I am struggling with jealousy also. Have never been a jealous person, didn't think there was anything to be jealous about. My husband is also a very private person, I was totally caught off guard when i found out about the 2 year EA with a former coworker. sodamnlost how did you stop texing / wanting to communicate with her? I am struggling with that myself I met with her the day after I found out and have been stiffling the urge to call/text etc every day....

Me 31
Him 34
Married 3 y
Together 10.5 years
2 kids 12 y and 10mo
D-Day 07/18/12 (I was 6 mo preg)
Taking it day by day

[This message edited by SS2012 at 4:52 PM, August 5th (Monday)]

FeelingSoMuch posted 8/5/2013 17:05 PM

It's hard for us to believe it, but there's a good answer to your question.

The A is about your WH only. Not at all about the OW.

The OW could've been any woman. Good looking, ugly, etc. It happened to be that particular woman because she was willing to have an A. If she wasn't so dirty as to be willing to have an A, WH would've kept looking.

Most importantly, the A is not about you. It's not about what you look like. It's not about how wonderful you are. It's about your WH's personal issues only.

Intellectually, I firmly believe in the above. In my heart, it's so hard to accept it because an A is so selfish and I hate the idea of my WW spouse being so self-centred when I always thought of her. I imagine you feel the same way.

My WW's hot. I'm in good shape. OM is a rat with glasses. Go figure, eh?

Stay strong.

sodamnlost posted 8/5/2013 19:02 PM

I do know it wasn't about me or her - he didnt even ask for a picture of her before he invited her over for sex. I do know this - I know she wasn't anything special but I FEEL different. I don't know how to feel what I know. That's what has me confused.

sodamnlost posted 8/6/2013 21:59 PM

sodamnlost how did you stop texing / wanting to communicate with her? I am struggling with that myself I met with her the day after I found out and have been stiffling the urge to call/text etc every day....

It was hard at first then it just was normal. I struggled with wanting to during our hell week which I know makes no sense. I have no use for her - she gave me the info I wanted. Ironically she texted me tonight and I am now triggering like a MO-FO with that rage that feels like murder is the only release. No more crazy making for me - that's what talking to her is - crazy making. I am reclaiming my life slowly, this is just one small step.