Now that I have made this move, I just don't know if I want a divorce or not. But logically, it is what is best for me.
I have so many emotions. I don't know how to feel about it all.
I can say, that I think he lied about not having a place to go. He said that he would be sleeping in his car although I gave him more than a 45 day notice before moving out of the house we rented together. I think he said that just to get me to let him stay, but in the end he had a back up plan and moved in with someone. I don't know who or where this person lives, but it doesn't matter. I washed all of his clothes. Got him clean pillows, blankets and towels. He left the towels and blankets and pillows and took his play station. That tells me that he didn't need towels from me because he has somewhere to get them and why take a playstation without a TV? He has somewhere to hook it up.
I am so glad that I didn't let him play me. He wanted to stay with me, but this person that he is with is likely a second choice.
This was the right decision, but I feel lost.
Welcome to the D/S forum. That initial move out always is so unsettling. You will have many swirling emotions but eventually you will find peace.
Be strong and stay the course. Move forward. Focus on YOU and your son's future. Don't let your mind get attached to ideas of going back. If you start to get scared or to second-guess yourself, post here. Keep posting, it really helps!
I was in a restaurant with my family yesterday (mother, cousins, aunts and uncles). We were discussing football season for my 10yo DS. I just blurted out without realizing it, "I AM SO SCARED" and then I started balling in the middle of the restaurant in front of everyone, including my DS! I have NEVER reacted like that under any circumstances and it took me for a loop!
Today doesn't feel like a better day.
Don't be afraid to lean on family. You know if they needed you, you would be there for them.
One of the things I have had to remind myself of, is how good it feels to help others in need. I spent a few nights with a friend after she had a knee replacement surgery. I told her she had no debt to me and I was honored to be allowed to help her!
DO ASK for help and support. It is a GIFT you can give others, to be vulnerable and to allow others the chance to be tender, and helpful to you. It's actually a rare opportunity.
Let the tears come. Call a friend, an aunt. Just call and say "not a great day today, do you have a minute to chat?"
We all have shitty days in our lives. This one will pass. I'm sending you positive vibes for a better tomorrow ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many hugs coming your way!!!!!
I know how scary it is. When we split I had a 10 year old son and I was on my own. EXH worked out of the province and was only home a week a month. This means I am basically a single mom.
Its okay to cry and seek out some help, but know this--- You will get through this, you are so much stronger than you ever will know. Every day gets easier and one day you wake up and realize that you aren't scared anymore.
I have been a single mom for 2 years now. I wouldn't have it any other way. I never thought I would be able to say that but here I am! I love my DS and I love being able to watch him grow, to see him accomplishments and successes. It is such a precious gift.
Sure there are days I want a vacation, a little me time..lol. But I wouldn't trade my life for anything.
You aren't alone! And anytime you need to vent, need support or just a good laugh come back here and talk to us. ((hugs))
If I had it to do over, I would have surrounded them with family and friends. Now, we are kinda isolated, with my family being 5 states away.
If your family is the type that treats women right, please make sure you and your son are around them A LOT. This will offset anything he sees when with his Dad. Also, try really hard to have kids come over and play with your son, because I have noticed now that my sons are in jr high and high school, everyone mostly hangs out with the people they have been friends with since they were little.
PS. Make a list of everything he did wrong to you and read it every time you get weepy.
PSS Make a list of all of YOUR awesome qualities and when a guy asks you out, pull out your list and see if he is good enough for you! (Activity my counselor recommends).