SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

mom of 2 posted 8/5/2013 16:25 PM

I know a lot of us (male and female and WS/BS) say we will never remarry after divorce, but you know anyone that never did? It's my opinion almost everyone says that, but eventually changes their minds. But I do know people that never remarried after divorce.

-My brother (BS)
-My father (BS/WS)
-My mother (BS/WS)
-X BIL (BS/WS)
-My X FIL (WS)
-a friend of mine's XH (divorced for non-infidelity reasons)

All of the above have been divorced for a least a DECADE and didn't change their mind so far at least.

I'm in the "never marry again" camp, but wondering how many people actually stick to that. Just curious...

tryingagain74 posted 8/5/2013 16:35 PM

Let's see...

my godmother (BS)
a male colleague (unsure)
one of my closest GFs (non-infidelity)
one of XWH's cousins (non-infidelity)

Those are the only people I can think of who haven't remarried (all D for more than a decade). Everyone in my family who has gotten divorced is now remarried (same with XWH's family except for the one cousin), and any colleagues or other friends of mine have gotten remarried. I think the statistic says that 75% of people who divorce will remarry. I can believe that when I look at who I know. The single folk are definitely outnumbered.

I'm keeping an open mind, but I'm not inclined to get marry again.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 4:36 PM, August 5th (Monday)]

Ashland13 posted 8/5/2013 16:35 PM

A supporter and dear friend of mine was left at the altar and though not married, she never took the chance again. It is 45 years later and she is content being "Ms".

My father is going on 15 years
and though with a GF, still cannot let himself trust. I think it depends on so many factors and personality is one that I think of in that list.

I've thought and said it also, but wonder if it's something we say under fire of the pain we suffer?

What I do know, is that if I ever let myself do that again, it would be in a very different way...no prenup probably, but many more separate things and different ways of being married.

I try to think that it is still a positive entity of life, but for right now even a relationship of the sort isn't even on the table...trust in the human race is too far gone for me.

gma56 posted 8/5/2013 16:40 PM

My grandmother D in the 40s from my grandfather. Never remarried. He married OW and they were married for 30+ yrs.

FT's dad died and his mom remarried (short abusive marriage)and divorced. Never remarried.

It was 9 yrs after my 1st D before I remarried and was married 26 yrs the second marriage. I was fine being single.
I'm at 5 ys D/S and have no idea what the future will bring. I'll be fine either way. I just miss being a couple and sharing my day with someone. My marrriage wasn't great but we did share about our day with each other most of the time except towards the end when the affairs startd.

[This message edited by gma56 at 4:41 PM, August 5th (Monday)]

roughroadahead posted 8/5/2013 16:43 PM

I think everyone I know personally who has divorced, has remarried.

College friend (BW, remarried an asshat)
XMIL (BW, remarried after 20 years with same man)
XFIL (WS, remarried and D, remarried and D.....)
Uncle (non-infidelity D, remarried)
Aunt (BW, remarried)

I think I could be remarried one day. Eyes would certainly be wide open going in! I just wish I could skip the part where I have to date all the "frogs".

Crescita posted 8/5/2013 17:10 PM

It's less of a priority for me now, but is back on the table as a possibility.

The people I know who have remained unwed for an extended length of time are more anti relationship, than anti marriage.

tabitha95 posted 8/5/2013 17:13 PM

My sister, divorced about 20 years and never remarried, but it's just because she keeps picking the wrong guys to waste large portions of her life on. I know she wants to remarry.

I am up and down on whether I want to or not.

mom of 2 posted 8/5/2013 17:45 PM

Thanks for the replies.

The people I know who have remained unwed for an extended length of time are more anti relationship, than anti marriage.

Interesting concept!

Nature_Girl posted 8/5/2013 17:51 PM

I'm with Tryingagain74, I'm not inclined to marry again, although I keep an open mind. I can't envision myself married or even living with anyone, though. I can't even envision spending the night with someone, and I have a fairly vivid imagination. I can't even envision WANTING to.

peridot posted 8/5/2013 17:51 PM

Those I know who never remarried:

great aunt(she's been a widow around 50 years)

great uncle(he's deceased now but was a widow for probably 40 years)

Both my grandmothers(near 30 years and 13 years)

These marriages all ended because their spouse died.

I've been D/S for 5 years. I say I will never get married again or live with anyone. If the right person came along I might change my mind but so far that hasn't happened.

HeartInADustpan posted 8/5/2013 17:53 PM

Me. I remarried. See where I am now.

debbysbaby posted 8/5/2013 19:55 PM

I am 8 years out from D. No desire to marry. Looking less likely as the years go by. I see no good reason for it. I'm done having kids...to me the biggest reason to seal your relationship with a written contract.

hurtbs posted 8/5/2013 20:05 PM

Almost everyone I know remarried after D.

The only exception (so far) is my Uncle. But he remarried after D#1, but it did take 10 years. He was married for 10 yers and after that divorce, swore off dating and marriage. I don't know if infidelity was involved in either case. Not sure if he dates or not. He is super private.

Me, I haven't sworn off remarriage. However, it's not a priority for me.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 10:09 PM, August 5th (Monday)]

Williesmom posted 8/5/2013 21:33 PM

I've been D for 5 years. At the time, I swore that I would never re- marry, but now, I think I would like to have someone in my life on a more permanent basis.

Maybe not marriage, but long term cohabitation..... I'll have to give this some thought.

Williesmom posted 8/5/2013 21:33 PM

I've been D for 5 years. At the time, I swore that I would never re- marry, but now, I think I would like to have someone in my life on a more permanent basis.

Maybe not marriage, but long term cohabitation..... I'll have to give this some thought.

peacelovetea posted 8/5/2013 21:36 PM

All of my friends that D'd are fairly recently D, so no remarriages yet, though one is now living with and has a baby with her bf. The other good gf refuses to get M again so far, says she doesn't even want to live with someone till her kids are grown -- she's been with her bf for 2 years and they still live separately. We'll see! My cousin D'd after an early and fairly short M, and just recently remarried nearly 20 years later. No one else in the family has D'd -- I caused quite the scandal. Thank goodness said cousin got married under even more "scandalous" circumstances so she took the heat off. I thanked her profusely.

I am open to M again, but I don't need it and it would take a lot given the financial complexities -- I now own my own home, have 3 kids, and once I finish my degree will be making good money. So tying myself financially will be the hurdle for me, not the relationship aspect.

OMG you know what I forgot! Both my ex-ILs never remarried, after D'ing when my ex was 9 or so. Have been divorced now far longer than they were married. Neither has even had a long term relationship since that I know of. I didn't even think of them. How funny!

[This message edited by peacelovetea at 2:45 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

ExposedNiblet posted 8/5/2013 21:50 PM

I've been divorced over a year now. I will most definitely be one of those folks who never remarry.

And that's okay with me.

newlysingle posted 8/5/2013 23:21 PM

My mom never re-married. My parents D was over 20 years ago for non infidelity reasons. She us happy and has no desire to be married or in a relationship. She said she didn't date initially because my sister and I were in our teens and would not have been very accepting of her bringing someone new in. Then she said she grew to really like her independence and didn't want to bother with it.

She is 71 and has traveled all over the world. She has a ton of friends that she travels with. She is very active and looks fantastic for her age. She said she does not miss having a man farting in her bed.

newlysingle posted 8/5/2013 23:22 PM

I personally don't have strong feelings one way or the other. I would like to find a long term relationship one day, but it doesn't necessarily have to be marriage.

dmari posted 8/6/2013 02:04 AM

STBX's parents divorced when he was young and both went on to remarry and have been with their partner for 30+ years. No infidelity involved.

My Aunty's first marriage ended in divorce due to infidelity and she remarried a few years later to my uncle and were married for 39 years (until he passed).

Interesting poll results. I haven't given it much thought but I think I am still open to marriage.