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today would have been 18 years

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click4it posted 8/5/2013 17:36 PM

Around this time of year I get really cranky and have a kind of blowout with either my kids or friends, and I did, but resolved it.

I never realize that the date is coming up and until I then see "oh".

Anyway, its a thing of the past, but the day will always stick in my head.

InnerLight posted 8/5/2013 19:48 PM

Do you think at this point, when you are 8 years out from the divorce, thank god I didn't waste 8 more years with him? Or are you still nostalgic and missing him?

I'm 5 years out and I have a few 'missing-him' moments, but I am starting to realize the miracle of divorce. Who would have ever thought I would equate that Armageddon of the dissolution of our marriage with 'miracle'. But it occurred to me that I've been saved from what could have been an even longer marriage to a man that was emotionally stunted.

Whatever way it is, hugs to you:
((((C4It))))

click4it posted 8/5/2013 23:02 PM

I never had one of those marriages where it was horrible. It wasn't like the 5 year relationship I had later on that I can say 'oh thank god I am out of that now'. So, its not that. And its not missing him anymore. Its just me thinking it really COULD have been 18 years if he didn't decide to make the choice he made when he met his now wife. Would it have been happy still? Who knows. After the affair, thing may have NEVER been the same because he's very anti-counseling and I don't think he or I would have moved passed it.

There is always a bitterness in my heart about what could have been and how much better my boys lives could have been.

But now is now and I've done the best that I can do as a single parent.

jo2love posted 8/5/2013 23:20 PM

(((click)))

click4it posted 8/6/2013 00:13 AM

ty jo....you are always so sweet.

click4it posted 8/6/2013 00:13 AM

duplicate reply

[This message edited by click4it at 12:47 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

cmego posted 8/6/2013 06:54 AM

My 18th is in a few weeks...because I'm still not divorced yet (filing in a few weeks...thought about filing ON my anniversary!)

So, I feel ya. It makes me more...sad...than grumpy. I will probably always remember the date because we purposefully chose it to be close to my birthday.

I'm assuming one day I will forget.

Jrazz posted 8/6/2013 12:31 PM

(((clicks)))

click4it posted 8/6/2013 13:06 PM

(((((CME))))))

I didn't file for a divorce for 2 years I believe and we weren't divorced until 4 years after d-day. Its a hard step to take. I feel for you, especially since its close to your birthday as well.

You will never forget the day, but as time goes on you won't even notice the day is coming around the corner until maybe a day before or on the day of and then you'll say "oh today is THAT day", but it will just be a memory and that's it.

click4it posted 8/6/2013 13:06 PM

ty Jrazz.

torn2bits posted 8/6/2013 17:04 PM

I am not divorced yet, but next time our anniversary rolls around it will be 25 years/26 knowing him.

I am feeling the grief now, going thru the emotions of letting it go and yet sometimes I still think if I am making the right choice because he wants to R right now.

Anyway, this was about YOU! So....take good care. Here is hoping you pass the day by next time with no thoughts.

click4it posted 8/7/2013 00:28 AM

((((torn))))

It really does take an enormous amount of time...especially when the divorce has not been final yet and there is a possibility of an R. I can understand the torn feelings you are experiencing. Just remember to think about what YOU want, not only what he wants.

We are here for you.

Griefstricken25 posted 8/7/2013 02:08 AM

My "would have been" 14th will be next week. And I just realized it would have been the 14th on the 14th. That would have been cool.

I'm SO glad he is not in my life, and I feel like God rescued me from a lifetime of misery with that man, but I feel generally sad about it, knowing most people in my life are IN happy marriages, getting to celebrate year after year of anniversaries, and feeling the sadness for what my kids will never have.

I'll never forget the day, either.

click4it posted 8/7/2013 11:41 AM

(((((GRIEF))))))

Mommato4 posted 8/7/2013 12:36 PM

((((click))))

My would be 18th is coming up in a few weeks. My dad and stepmom have the same anniversary day (married a year after me) so it's kind of there reminding me. It's weird.

It's been 5 years since the D which was finalized 5 days after my b-day so it's somewhat of a reminder around my b-day. I'm getting better at forgetting though.

Crescita posted 8/7/2013 13:34 PM

It's amazing how strong seasonal triggers can be. Maybe next year plan a fabulous trip and start making more positive associations to replace the bad.

(((click)))

click4it posted 8/8/2013 00:01 AM

(((momma)))

It does totally get easier...I think it just stay in the back of the mind somehow. Because I honestly don't notice the day is coming and I get really really in a bad mood and then I see what day it is.

Cres - I do plan vacations around that day and have for a few years - and again I think I have done that without realizing it.

wildbananas posted 8/8/2013 08:53 AM

I just "had" my 25th and I know what you mean. I don't miss ex-asshat at all but I guess I miss what could have been. 25 is a pretty big milestone and I'm at an age where I probably won't get that with anyone else.

Big smooches to you, girl.

click4it posted 8/8/2013 21:13 PM

ty wild.

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