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CLRhope4her posted 8/5/2013 21:18 PM

How did you become a different version of the same person? I want to be me again but I'm not sure how and where to start. I spend a lot of time comparing myself to the OW/Ex-BFF and struggle to find happiness in things I used to. Course I have no friends anymore either so whatever I do will be something to do on my own. I'm so different and want to be so the same and I can't figure out where to start. Just wondering what everyone did to start?

webmistress posted 8/5/2013 22:03 PM

I think the first step is realizing that you will never be the same person you were pre-dday. I said the same thing in the first couple of years....I just want to rewind to BEFORE October 5, 2010, I want to be looking up recipes online and then go to work without ever having found hs FB open and seeing the messages to other women. But that person is gone, never to return. Innocence is just one more loss BS's have to mourn.

But, with time, You Version 2.0 will surface, and you will wonder why you ever thought the othe you was so great, lol. I have learned that I am strong, and perfectly capable of managing my life on my own. If it doesn't work out with XH, I have every confidence that I won't fall apart. Honestly, he needs me a lot more than I need him at this point. That's a new part of myself I never knew existed, and the change is liberating.

Give it time. The first year after dday is just survival, the second year is spending time rebuilding, and the third year is when you finally start to see life in technicolor again. Are you in IC? Counseling really helped move me past the OW comparison and loneliness. I felt very isolated and like people could see a big Scarlett L for LOSER on my chest everywhere I went. Only when you rediscover your worth, and understand that your H's behavior is owned by him and ONLY him, and not a reflection on you, will you be able to find peace and move forward.

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