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Dazed and Confused

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annihilated24 posted 8/5/2013 22:48 PM

ound out 2 weeks ago today that my wife was sleeping with another guy. I am crushed and devastated as she was my whole life and never thought she could be the type of person to do that to me. She never came clean although I suspected for a little over a week until I found text messages between them two on her phone. After hours of talking I also found out there was another incident with an ex. I love her so much and we are trying to work it out but there is a part of me that doesn't know if I am doing the right thing. We have been married for over 11 years and have 3 great kids. We have started counseling and she tells me that she only wants me. it is so hard to believe anything she says right now because of all of the lies and manipulation. I know in time I will be able to get past the affair but I know the hardest thing is going to be trusting her again but right now when I see certain things it brings up the pain, anger and hurt. I so want to trust her again and I am so committed to making this work. Any advice?

lovelymrsm posted 8/5/2013 23:44 PM

I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
I don't know if I have any advice. I found out just over a week ago. I suspected and confronted him numerous times for months. I finally got the proof from fb messages, he admitted that he was having an A. it ended 3 months ago. He also came clean about other events that I confronted him about.
We are working on R but I am in so much pain.
The way I see is that any trust I had in him is completely gone. Now we are starting from scratch. Re-building trust, because the trust I had in him is erased.
please take the time to read through the posts here. They have helped my H and I to learn how to get through this mess.

shinycrow posted 8/6/2013 03:30 AM

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:31 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

Skan posted 8/6/2013 12:41 PM

Annihilated24, welcome. I'm so sorry that you had the reason to find us, but I am glad that you did for support. All of us BSs are here to support you. We've all stood where you are standing now.

If you have not already done so, please look in the upper left corner, in the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Please start reading. There is a lot of information there from people who have been on your path. Also, any post in this forum that has a bulls eye next to it is information meant specifically for you as well. Read it. It will give you some guidelines as to what you need to consider at this time.

Next, please take care of yourself. I know this is just overwhelming. Breathe. Stay hydrated and keep away from the booze. Eat whatever you can get complete meal drinks (like Ensure) if you can't keep any food down. Rest or sleep as much as you can. Your body is under the type of stress right now as it would be, if you had been hit by a bus. Take care of yourself. Be selfish. You can't take care of anything else if you don't take care of yourself first.

Last, and I know that this is going to just suck to read, you need to call your doctor up and schedule a complete STD/HIV blood panel on yourself. Your WW needs to do this as well. Your WW may tell you that she had "safe" or "protected" sex by using a condom. Do not believe her. 1) Liars lie and she has proven herself to be a liar. 2) most people forget that oral sex without a shield unprotected sex. I'm so sorry to have to tell you this. I cried the entire time I was on the phone with my doctor's office. Be assured that you will not be the first nor the last to have to make this call to your doctor. Also, you need to SEE the results on your WW with your own eyes, or have the doctor relay them to you him or herself. Again, because liars lie.

Please come back often for support. We are all here for you. There is a great supportive group of BHs here as well, who will be chiming in soon, no doubt.

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