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Huge Decision making me Crazy

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ninebark posted 8/6/2013 07:00 AM

Okay, I have a situation that is driving me crazy as it ha been rattling around in my head.

I have an opportunity to change jobs, move 2 1/2 hours away to a smaller community not in the city and work with my sister, or in the office next to her.

It would mean a bit of a paycut, but cost of living is cheaper, houses are much cheaper and my gas bill would be next to nothing as I could walk to work if I chose.

It if was just me I would do it in a second. Sure I love the city but I think I could handel a slower pace now. But it means that my son would have to leave his friends and his sports, he wouldn't have the same opporutnities down there. We would be with my family and he could hang out with his cousin who idolizes him. It also means I would have to see what my EX thinks because he would not have easy access to DS when he is home.

I really want to do it but I just can't see it being feasible.

*sigh*, just had to get that off my chest..what to do, what to do.

Williesmom posted 8/6/2013 07:17 AM

Really, why is your Ex a part of this equation? You need to do what's best for you and DS. Don't underestimate the power of family support.

ninebark posted 8/6/2013 07:24 AM

He's part of the equation because while our DS lives with me, he does have joint custody and only gets to see him once a month due to his work. If we move it will be very hard for him to spend time with DS.

DS loves his dad and needs him in his life. I don't want to be the one who takes him away from him. He may not be a good husband but I know he does love his son.

It would be nice to have my family all together, but we do talk every day as it is and we visit regularly. UGH, I wish things were easy

meaniemouse posted 8/6/2013 15:38 PM

ninebark--just another opinion--this one for staying put. Moving is such a huge PITA and has a lot of expenses as well. Living in a city does afford many more opportunities for you and your son and would the drop in salary be offset by the savings in the smaller place? Enough to make all the hassle of moving worthwhile? Plus--not sure how old your son is but moving is hard on kids when they leave everything they're used to--even if they have a chance to be close to family. And--I don't have a sister but do you want to live AND work that close to your family? I mean--I LOVE mine and I'm sure you do, too but not everyone can take that kind of closeness. And even though the relationship between the cousins is great--would it still be if they lived closer together?

Plus--in terms of your job/career--is the kind of move you will be making going to be a positive or negative?

And I think you're right to consider your son's relationship with his father--that's important too and would you have to be driving back and forth a bunch to accommodate that?

I, too, am a huge encourager of family support. But it sounds like you already have it--it's just a couple of hours away.

I don't envy you having to make this decision. I always overthink things which sometimes renders me nearly incapable of doing ANYTHING! Good luck--I'm sure you will make the right decision.

ladies_first posted 8/6/2013 16:06 PM

Why not ask your son?

Better yet, discuss the pros and cons with your son over a series of days ... give HIM time to think .... ask him what he thinks is best.

He may surprise you.

ninebark posted 8/7/2013 06:10 AM

meaniemouse...you are in my head..lol. All very vaild points, which is why I am leaning towards staying here. THe thought of selling my house after going through a bunch of renovations is not a good one, I love the city, the health care here is excellent and DS has so many opportunities here and when he goes to university he can live at home.


There is such a draw at times for a slower lifestyle, it would mean less expenses and a bigger home, I could walk to work every day....ugh.

I spoke to DS about it origionaly he was all for it, until I pointed out he would not have the same sports..etc.He is a little more leary of it now.

The more I think about it the more I am leaning towards staying here..

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