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Newest Member: Notnemore (60749)

User Topic: so lonely and I couldn't do the 180.
♀ 39750
Member # 39750
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well its been about five weeks. Yesterday he signed a year lease on an apartment. Says when he thinks of me he wants to cry and he loves me....but hes moving to a different city all together. I never hsd the strength for the 180. Maybe if I had I wouldnt be sitting here feeling like my world is falling apart. I'm so lonely and my heart has been ripped from my chest. :*( he asked me if I wanted to do legal seperation instead of divorce. I don't understand why though?

Posts: 19 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: brokenhearted475
♀ 37044
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Divorce based on infidelity would give you more rights, legal separation limits your rights depending on where you live. If I were you I'd go over to S&D and find out what the ins-and-ours are where you live.

BW, R last 4 years of marriage out of 15... FINALLY, HAPPILY DIVORCING!

We are in R.

Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm so sorry for your pain.

Posts: 30659 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Im so sorry you're hurting.

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♂ 37664
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did a version of the 180 which is taking care of yourself . You need to fill good about yourself first before you make decisions . Exercise , eat right , start a activity . I feel your pain

married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty

Posts: 228 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

180 is so darn hard. I'm having withdrawal symptoms from being in contact with him, so there is pain with that, but you know what I find? That kind of pain I can trust, where the pain I get from him can come from nowhere...or anywhere...I find hard 180 safer for my emotional being, FWIW.

I had a terrible time at the beginning, but was not given the real truth and had to find it out myself (OW's existence and the other cheating). It was kind of like an addiction, to hear from him when he first abandoned us, and simply to know if he was physically all right made me an emotional wreck until I heard from him every day at least, he wasn't dead.

Now, it's him contacting more, just for money and kid things and I have to confess to having a lot of pride in that area. It's been a real battle but worth the effort and suffering to protect myself.

I hope you'll get there at some point, Brokenhearted.

I understand your lonliness, for I live it day and night, but you know, I think to myself sometimes, that no one can hurt me right now. No one can hurt my daughter right now, though we still suffer at his hands from the initial things. We can control our universe and only let in our bubble who we want to.

Legal separation I've heard of but don't know a lot about. I think it's putting boundaries on both of your lives and saying that you aren't together as husband and wife but also aren't going through a divorce process. It may put boundaries on money or child visitation if you have them.

I wish you well and hope peace will come so you can make some decisions. It's a long journey.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 39626
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((brokenhearted475))) just wanted to hug you.

I didn't find SI until a year and a half after dday. I had never heard of 180 until I came here. From what I have read about it though, it seems very hard. I don't know if I would have had the will power and strength to do it back in the earlier stages right after dday. I was a mess back then. Don't beat yourself up that you couldn't do or bear 180 at the time.

BW: Me 43, WH: Him 43, Married: 23 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 serious long-distance PA/EA's, several casual PA's, some at the same time. Classy
In R

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i know how you feel. i was so vulnerable and weak that i couldnt do the 180 the right way in the beginning. it led to me taking him back without him doing any of the work...and i found myself in a false r, 9 months later.

in looking back, i wish i had been stronger. it makes all the difference.

BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
♀ 39750
Member # 39750
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never felt so rejected in my whole life. He keeps giving me mixed signals. He can't possibly love this child he's dating. She has daddy issues because he told me she didn't hsve a dad there for her for her whole life. I'm so lost and I just need a friend to talk to. :*( I think I need to move on but how can I force myself to do that? I feel so empty and void of anything tht could ever resemble love again.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: brokenhearted475
Topic Posts: 9

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