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Newest Member: Comikazi (61805)

User Topic: Signposts along the way - post DDay
♂ 33287
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Filing for D this week as WW does not want to work on the M. Some of the signposts towards D after DDay.

July 2011 - I ask her to make me the most important person in her life going forward. She says she cannot and stats talking about time she should spend with her mother.

August 2011 - she takes DD on college search trip and I am going through very emotional EDR sessions. She does not have time to talk to me on the phone.

September 2011 - she wears a perfume which she wore during the A and I had explicitly asked her to stop wearing it and shopped with her for a replacement.

I told her I was done! She showed true sadness and we began to work on our M or so I thought.

October 2011 - her parents were visiting and had an outing planned. I asked her to wake me before they left so I could spend some time with her before they left. She did not wake me.

June 2012 - for my birthday, she gives me a portrait of our kids and the family dog. A going away present.

Jan 2013 - she restarts counseling with a new IC and tells me "she is not working on the M"

June 2013 - after months of insisting that we need to D immediately and I resisted initiating D until we had agreed on the terms, I drafted the terms for her to take to her lawyer.

And nothing. She was unsure and wanted to give it some time.

August 2013 - so now she is done. It was a mistake to have ever married me. She felt it was wrong from the beginning. Something was missing. She never enjoyed sex with me.

Her lawyer sent her an updated contract. And she did not sign it. She is "driving herself crazy" with wanting to file and not having the courage to do so.

So we have our own little tragedy. We have a lot of good things together. Friendship - this was the foundation of our relationship at the start. Shared values (except for her A). Mutual and complimentary support. Our children and family.

And yet it is not enough for either of us. For her, "something is missing and she will experience true peace and happiness without me". For me, I need a wife that is excited to be with me and expresses that joy through her behaviour towards me; willing to work on the issues in our relationship to make it come true.

So we are heading to D.


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 413 | Registered: Sep 2011
♂ 38884
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have any advice for you. I can feel the pain coming though your post.


BS - Me
XW - Her
10 month EA/PA
Divorced 5/14

Posts: 218 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 22722
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sending hugs (((((hopeandchange)))))

It will get better, you know that. Let your lawyer push the D forward through the courts if STBX can't handle her side of things, you can still get a D without her cooperation.

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

Posts: 2075 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((h&c)))) What a long bumpy road you've been on. For now, just keep hanging on. The crazy ride will end. Promise.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((hopeandchange)) You'll make it through this. Better to be by yourself and healing than to be miserable with her. Start focusing on you and your needs - rediscover who you are and the things that are important to you. It's a slow process but so important and healing. ((hopeandchange))

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5379 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 5

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