UGH!!! It's hard enough to try to be intimate again, and then to not be understanding after that you are struggling.... Makes me mad for you.
I can remember the statements like "I'm never going to live this down" "What do I need to do so you can get over it" "Youre never going to trust me again"... BLAH BLAH BLAHde flippin BLAH!!!
He needs to understand that you are crushed, and destroyed by his actions, and that it's going to take more than (didn't you just sya it was like 10 days?) a few weeks, month or year for you to heal from this.
I've read through your other posts, and it seems that he was caught, and is doing what he can to save his marriage without really owning what he has done. There is a big difference between being guilty, and being remorseful.
The fact that the first time you were intimate with him after Dday, and he feeds you the "youre never going to let this go" crap is very telling. He's guilty, not remorseful. Remorse would look like, "I am so sorry I've hurt you so badly, I was wrong, and I never want to cause you pain like this again" Followed up with holding you, and making you feel safe. See the difference?
It may be time for you to really stop and think about what you are willing to tolerate, and what your dealbreakers are. Have you verified that they are no longer in contact? I mean, with your own eyes and ears? Put a VAR in his car, snoop around for a second cell phone, usually hidden in their car, or someplace inside that you wouldn't think to look.
Don't worry about the physical acts that they did together, and wether you were better or not. Of course you are better, you have a real emotional connection to this man, and besides for most people in A's it's not about the sex, it's about the way the AP makes them feel.