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Another one bites the dust

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Eranda posted 8/6/2013 18:52 PM

I met this one 2+ years ago, and we hit it off immediately. Didn't really rush into anything at first- but after almost a year he moved into my house. In the beginning he was great- attentive, kind, and generous.

But after a while there were some things that I didn't like. He fed my dog so much people food that she gained 10 lbs. He kept dropping the f-bomb in front of my kids, and saying things that aren't appropriate in front of teenagers. He kept teasing my son about being gay with his best friend.

None of which I liked, obviously.

So I asked him to stop these things. I asked nicely again and again and again. Probably hundreds of times all together. But it just kept happening, and when I would ask him to stop he would just say "it's no big deal". I would try to explain to him that it was a big deal TO ME, and that I would appreciate if he would listen to me when I asked something.

Well... about a week ago he was teasing me about feeding the dog a hamburger and I lost it. I mean, I lost it.

I yelled and told him that he didn't get to decide what was best for MY dog, or for MY kids, or for MY house. That I was sick of asking and asking him to stop these things and being utterly ignored and brushed off- and that I wasn't going to put up with it forever.

That's when he started making noises about "getting his own place".

I told him that was fine- he was a grown man and entitled to do anything he pleased. But that his idea that he would move out and we would just keep dating was not going to happen. Because if the problem wasn't resolved, then eventually it would doom the relationship entirely- and I wasn't interested in dragging out the inevitable.

So apparently he has decided that "having his own place" is more important than all the rest. Knowing full well that I wouldn't be on board for just dating after such a huge step backwards- he still insists that's what he wants. Ok, you don't have to tell me twice.

Knowing that he wouldn't be in any hurry to find a place because mine was just there for the taking... I told him today that he needs to find another place to stay until he gets a permanent apartment. That since this was over, I wasn't interested in pretending it wasn't for one more minute. I offered to have all his stuff (it's not much) in the garage ready for him to pick up on Sunday. He said he would pack up and move it on Friday- but my kids will be here Friday and I don't want them involved in that kind of thing. His response? "They'll be fine"- meaning I was wrong about them witnessing mom's boyfriend move out. EXACTLY the kind of thing I asked him to stop doing- making decisions about what is OK for my kids and what isn't. So... I told him no, that was not acceptable and that I wouldn't allow my kids to be involved in that. Eventually he agreed to Sunday.

To make matters even more annoying, he has a female friend that he's known for years. I never worried about it before- but due to a text message I saw on Sunday and then checking the cell phone records for the last month- I now suspect that they have been in an emotional affair- probably for almost a decade. Certainly before I came along, and of course it will be going on after I'm out of the picture. She is married, and they text literally HUNDREDS of times a week. Phone calls every day. The text that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up? ":) miss you"

There's not a "friend" on earth who sends an opposite sex friend a text like that. I have a male friend and I would never DREAM of sending him something like that. Of course he denies that "anything is going on", but no man texts a female friend all day and night, every day and night- unless there's more to it. He talked and texted with her more than he did with me.

So anyway, I am not angry- I am just deeply disappointed in what a spineless wimpy passive-aggressive he turned out to be. How little responsibility he will probably take for what he set in motion, and how it ended up.

And I really just wish I could sleep for the next two weeks and wake up when he's gone.

Williesmom posted 8/6/2013 19:48 PM


Sounds like you made the right decision.

NaiveAgain posted 8/6/2013 20:28 PM

I'm sorry Eranda. He sounds very difficult to live with. I agree you are making the right decision here....

newnormal posted 8/6/2013 20:59 PM

we would just keep dating was not going to happen

You go girlfriend!

Im sorry he turned into a douch but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders not to drag it out. Onward and upward!

wildbananas posted 8/7/2013 00:09 AM

Ah, I'm sorry, Eranda. That all sucks.

When I broke up with XSO and was moving out (of MY house ), he too threw a fit because I asked him not to be there while we packed and left because I didn't think the bunch needed the drama. He bitched and complained but finally gave in. They just don't get it.

You're a strong chick. I know you got this.


Eranda posted 8/7/2013 03:35 AM

I feel like I'm making the right decision here, I guess I'm just so shocked that someone who supposedly loved me would care so little about things that were important to me- or feel entitled to disregard how I felt about those things.

And even more so, I am shocked that his solution is to run away from the problem. This is a guy who doesn't shy away from anything. But his first- and only- solution to even the inkling of conflict was to RUN.

At 50, I kind of think I'm done with dating for the foreseeable future. Seriously, it's just too much trouble.

better4me posted 8/8/2013 12:22 PM

Why does the word "selfish" come to mind when I read your description of his behaviors? Wow. Could he be any more self centered? I hope the move goes off without too much drama. I'm sorry you have to go through this again...


Eranda posted 8/8/2013 19:29 PM

Yeah in some ways I see that. But mostly I think it's just a pathological avoidance of anything that even looks like work

Yesterday all of sudden- two DAYS after the appointment- he wants to know what happened at the oral surgeon followup I had for the tongue cancer. Uh... dude that's not your problem anymore.

And then he insists I keep his toaster oven. Like I really want some giant hunk of guilt sitting right on my kitchen counter for the next couple years. I told him no thanks.

I started packing up his stuff already. I figure no sense in waiting, right?

Pass posted 8/8/2013 23:08 PM

You did the right thing. I LOVED reading about you blowing up at him - not because of how irritated you were, but because of the strength it showed.

Keep strong until the bastard's gone!

Eranda posted 8/9/2013 21:47 PM

So tomorrow he's coming to move his stuff out, and tonight I went out and bought a brand spanking new toaster oven it's sitting there on the kitchen counter. Now there will be NO argument about whether or not I keep his, I already have one LOL. All his stuff from the kitchen is sitting on the dining room table. And I bought a new plant for my patio to replace the one that was his. I'm not letting him leave ANYTHING.

If you wanna to go so bad, then take all yer shit with ya!!

inhishands55 posted 8/10/2013 00:09 AM

You go girl...Ain't no man coming in my house and telling me what to do with my stuff..

I had one guy, who every time he came over ask why I had so much stuff in my cabinets..I told him it was my stuff and it was paid for...

I don't do well with anyone coming in and picking over my house...

Picking on your son was not kool...He should have known better...Keep your chin up and it will be over soon....

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