I met this one 2+ years ago, and we hit it off immediately. Didn't really rush into anything at first- but after almost a year he moved into my house. In the beginning he was great- attentive, kind, and generous.
But after a while there were some things that I didn't like. He fed my dog so much people food that she gained 10 lbs. He kept dropping the f-bomb in front of my kids, and saying things that aren't appropriate in front of teenagers. He kept teasing my son about being gay with his best friend.
None of which I liked, obviously.
So I asked him to stop these things. I asked nicely again and again and again. Probably hundreds of times all together. But it just kept happening, and when I would ask him to stop he would just say "it's no big deal". I would try to explain to him that it was a big deal TO ME, and that I would appreciate if he would listen to me when I asked something.
Well... about a week ago he was teasing me about feeding the dog a hamburger and I lost it. I mean, I lost it.
I yelled and told him that he didn't get to decide what was best for MY dog, or for MY kids, or for MY house. That I was sick of asking and asking him to stop these things and being utterly ignored and brushed off- and that I wasn't going to put up with it forever.
That's when he started making noises about "getting his own place".
I told him that was fine- he was a grown man and entitled to do anything he pleased. But that his idea that he would move out and we would just keep dating was not going to happen. Because if the problem wasn't resolved, then eventually it would doom the relationship entirely- and I wasn't interested in dragging out the inevitable.
So apparently he has decided that "having his own place" is more important than all the rest. Knowing full well that I wouldn't be on board for just dating after such a huge step backwards- he still insists that's what he wants. Ok, you don't have to tell me twice.
Knowing that he wouldn't be in any hurry to find a place because mine was just there for the taking... I told him today that he needs to find another place to stay until he gets a permanent apartment. That since this was over, I wasn't interested in pretending it wasn't for one more minute. I offered to have all his stuff (it's not much) in the garage ready for him to pick up on Sunday. He said he would pack up and move it on Friday- but my kids will be here Friday and I don't want them involved in that kind of thing. His response? "They'll be fine"- meaning I was wrong about them witnessing mom's boyfriend move out. EXACTLY the kind of thing I asked him to stop doing- making decisions about what is OK for my kids and what isn't. So... I told him no, that was not acceptable and that I wouldn't allow my kids to be involved in that. Eventually he agreed to Sunday.
To make matters even more annoying, he has a female friend that he's known for years. I never worried about it before- but due to a text message I saw on Sunday and then checking the cell phone records for the last month- I now suspect that they have been in an emotional affair- probably for almost a decade. Certainly before I came along, and of course it will be going on after I'm out of the picture. She is married, and they text literally HUNDREDS of times a week. Phone calls every day. The text that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up? ":) miss you"
There's not a "friend" on earth who sends an opposite sex friend a text like that. I have a male friend and I would never DREAM of sending him something like that. Of course he denies that "anything is going on", but no man texts a female friend all day and night, every day and night- unless there's more to it. He talked and texted with her more than he did with me.
So anyway, I am not angry- I am just deeply disappointed in what a spineless wimpy passive-aggressive he turned out to be. How little responsibility he will probably take for what he set in motion, and how it ended up.
And I really just wish I could sleep for the next two weeks and wake up when he's gone.