There is one book that I think is a good start. It's short and to the point. "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from An Affair." You read it, but your WH should memorize it.
This site is amazing, full of wisdom, compassion and humanity at it's best. Not every bit of advice will work for you, take what is useful and leave the rest. Some stories will seem "better" than yours, some will seem "worse." Some will be full of pain and healing, and remorse and forgiveness, but most of us don't FORGET, but find a way to live with a new normal.
You have been heard. Keep posting, we are listening.
Yes, you can recover from this. You will survive. Your feelings of being all over the place are normal. You are going to feel like this for a very long time probably 1-2 years. You will want to have crazy, bonding sex with him, run away from him, scream and rage, cling and cry all kinds of emotions and sometimes, within minutes of each other. That is normal.
First off, NC NC NC with the OW. No Contact no new hurts. Your problem isn't her, it's your husband and your marriage. If he has not already done so, he needs to write a NC letter that you see and approve of, and send it to her, then both of you block all means of communication to her phone, internet, etc. The letter should be basic and simple, along the lines of "My decision to meet with you and betray my wife is the worse decision that I have ever made in my life. I love my wife and am totally committed to her and our marriage. I never want to hear from you again. Do not contact me in any way."
Next, it sounds like your WH is showing remorse. Do you have all of his passwords to his computer, phone, and other devices, including social media (Facebook, etc.)? If not, get them. You will want and need to check that he is not in communication with her nor anyone else for some time. This is normal. Him giving you that information, never deleting his history on any electronic device (you do that only), and giving you the devices to scan through at any time will help you quite a bit to calm your fears and to let him start establishing a bit, a tiny bit, of trust with you.
I really do recommend IC at least, and MC as well. It's a lot easier to work through issues with trained help. Be sure to question any therapist about their experience with infidelity and if they have none, or state that they believe that all infidelity is a marriage based issue vice an individual decision to go outside the marriage, then fire them upfront.
And please come back for support. We're all here for you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012