SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anyone any suggestions or felt the same.....

Have previously posted about being "Totally devastated" about H's affair - confronted May 2013 and due to other issues (mum very ill) don't seem to be capable of moving forward.

Did a timeline with H about affair as need the details and this has compounded the hurt. I knew it would but has raised even more issues.

Further feelings of betrayal as sister in law knows all about it and has been in contact with OW from the start and has been giving her support.

H has now changed some of details and they were together sooner than he first disclosed. If these details are wrong how the hell do I know any of what he's told me is the truth and how can I believe he really wants to reconcile and is committed to reconciliation. It's left me feeling more confused about things and whether I should cut my losses altogether or whether I should consider reconciliation.

Anyone any advice?

I am sorry you are struggling. New information always feels like new hurt. But at the same time it is getting closer to the truth.

I got the truth in bits and pieces over the first 10 months. The TT was excruciating. In the healing library there is Josephs Letter. It might be something you want to print out and have your WH read. There is also a post in Wayward called "Things every WS needs to know". That might also help you WH. Another thing that helped my fWS was the book "How to help your Spouse heal from your Affair."

You don't need to decide to R or D right away. You can choose to just not D and watch your H actions.

Chicho

Thanks for the post

I've found "Joseph's letter" and can say it mirrors a lot of how I feel about the situation-am thinking of borrowing some of the contents and doing a version of it for my WH to see what he thinks and if he can uunderstand where I'm coming from

I also found the "Everything the WS needs to know" and again am going to show it H to see if he can identify with it and again see my point of view to some extent.

I do feel as if I'm doing all the work here-I honestly think I've done more than my fair share of the dirty work so far- I found out about the affair and kept it quiet for months so as not to jeopardise his job and then I was the one that confronted him.

I've confronted him over lies I know I can prove to be lies and he has tried to tell me I'm wrong -he got angry and defensive and told me to "prove it".

I have told him I don't need to prove anything it is for him to prove things to me.

I am unwilling to disclose all my sources as I think he will alter things so I can't see them. I'm keeping some things back as I can't see where we are going at this time and don't know whether to try and make tthings work or head for divorce. I feel I need some concrete gestures from him to see if/how committed he is to reconciliation.

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