I am sorry you are struggling. New information always feels like new hurt. But at the same time it is getting closer to the truth.
I got the truth in bits and pieces over the first 10 months. The TT was excruciating. In the healing library there is Josephs Letter. It might be something you want to print out and have your WH read. There is also a post in Wayward called "Things every WS needs to know". That might also help you WH. Another thing that helped my fWS was the book "How to help your Spouse heal from your Affair."
You don't need to decide to R or D right away. You can choose to just not D and watch your H actions.