"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

dindy posted 8/7/2013 05:38 AM

Just wondering if anyone is concerned that their xWS' lack of remorse will have a negative effect on their children?

My ex showed no remorse whatsoever and I'm pretty sure he has done nothing to fix himself. This makes me wonder about the type of person and parent he is to my children. I know I can't control anything he does, nor do I want to. But my children's welfare is the most important thing to me. I just don't want them growing up having to deal with his issues.

For example, yesterday he texted me to tell me he is ill again. He has the children for a week since last Friday, the longest I've been apart from them. He always lets me know when he is ill and to be honest it's not my problem anymore. I don't tell him when I'm ill, I just get on with things.

Because he is such a mummy's boy and I nurtured him too much is our relationship I really hope that him being like this is just going to have a negative effect on my children.

So he's got a virus, so what?! Life goes on. I always make sure my children see that sometimes we just have to pick ourselves up and carry on. He just wallows in his own self pity.

A bit of a rant really!

Bluebird26 posted 8/7/2013 05:49 AM

Yep absolutely. I see the effects on my youngest son every time he speaks to his father or has visitation, it turns him into this really angry little person. It is frustrating as there is nothing I can do about it. He is in IC, the ex refuses to acknowledge any problem and likes to cause drama. I can't wait till my youngest is an adult.

To be honest I am sick to death of having to 'fix' all the problems. It's not my job anymore but we are all living in the wake of his poor choices. I hate it.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/7/2013 07:11 AM

I worried about the effects of XWH and his crazy OW till I almost went crazy!!! Seriously.

Then my friend told me her parents split up and because her Dad was so calm and predictable, and there for her, that she learned there are 2 ways to be an adult. She is grown now and chooses to be like her Dad and tries very hard to NOT be like her Mom.

I try very hard to be rested before my children come home from visitation because they are GROUCHY! I try very hard to be calm, focused, and dependable for my children as they come to terms with the life they now have.

I am hoping they see a TOTALLY different life here than at their Dad's.

Housefulloflove posted 8/7/2013 10:40 AM

I absolutely worry. He is a selfish POS and that is evident in every part of his life including how he interacts with his kids.

newlysingle posted 8/8/2013 14:32 PM

I so worry about this too. STBX is weak and is morally bankrupt. I worry all the time about what kind if values he can instill in my children. I agree that it's up to us to be the stable parent for them. I do think that one day they will know who they can depend on and who was always there for them.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 2:33 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

7yrsflushed posted 8/8/2013 14:44 PM

she learned there are 2 ways to be an adult.

^^^This is my philosophy as well. I worried until I realized that I am there to balance and counteract any negatvie tendancies my children pick up from STBXWW. I can't control what she does with them on her time but I do on mine.

PurpleRose posted 8/9/2013 12:32 PM

completely get it.. my little guy comes home angry and exhausted every single time too. His visitations are full of "Disney Dad" activities and stories about Mommy that are inappropriate and meant to hurt me. Since I don't care what the Dooosh does on his time, I just focus on being the best parent to my kids when they are with me and "re-parent" when I need to to counter-act all the negativity that comes back with my son.

tesla posted 8/9/2013 12:51 PM

Ex-shat views Teslet as an extension of himself...more like a completeion of himself. I thought it was strange when we were together and I initially worried about it when we separated. I'm not sure if ex-shat has remorse at this point or not...I don't think that I care anymore. I do know that I'm better at communicating tough concepts to my child by letting him think his way through them and kind of just guiding along the way. I know ex-shat approaches Teslet in more of a lecturing, soap-box, abstract, "I'm trying to show you how fucking smart and in control I am" - kind of a way.

So, I've let go of my worry about ex-shat filling Teslet's head with crap (well, as much as one can let go of that) and trust in Teslet's critical thinking abilities to sort it out in the long run.