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Just when I thought we would make it

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Trusttrusttrust posted 8/7/2013 05:48 AM

my cheating husband never stopped seeing the OW. It may have slowed down, but it never stopped. The OWs husband put a GPS tracking device on her car and caught them kissing at a winery Monday afternoon. He punched my cheating husband in the face more than once. Then he called me. My husbands face is very swollen and there is blood coming out of both ears. He would not go to the ER, all he did was cry. This morning he flew to LA and will return Friday. I had a friend of ours check on him at the hotel and he insisted he was ok and that the bleeding has at least slowed down. If he is still bleeding in the morning, then he said he will go to the ER. He probably has a concussion.

They also went to LA two other times since June. Of course, He lied about that. He is now begging me to stay. Tomorrow I am seeing a divorce attorney. Mostly to find out my rights. I do not know what will happen. I am too upset to make any decisions. I also emailed our marriage counselor (who had discharged us) to tell her of the situation and ask for advice. I am at a loss.

I never thought this would happen again. His Mother is devastated and so angry. I had to tell her the whole story. She made me dinner tonight, but I really cannot swallow. Just when I was feeling better about our marriage this happens. Of course, He tells me they were ending it. Oh yea, like I believe that!

It does not look good. This after 31 years of marriage.

AFrayedKnot posted 8/7/2013 07:05 AM

(((Trusttrusttrust)))

openedupmyeyes posted 8/7/2013 07:26 AM

I'm so sorry. Well, now you know. You also know you tried and did all that you could to find a way to live with his choices. To bad he didn't. You are worth it. Peace and strength to you. (((((Trusttrusttrust))))))

painpaingoaway posted 8/7/2013 07:28 AM

I'm so sorry honey.

You are very kind to care enough to have a friend check on him. That shows what you are made of.

On the other hand, he, sadly brought this upon himself. Althought I dont condone violence, but sometimes that's what happens when you fuck another mans wife.

Stay strong, and don't let his self pity sway you from doing what is best for you.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 7:29 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

OptimisticWife posted 8/7/2013 07:38 AM

So sorry to hear this ((((trusttrusttrust))))
Take care of yourself xx

Williesmom posted 8/7/2013 07:41 AM

(((ttt)))

I'm so sorry.

jjsr posted 8/7/2013 07:42 AM

I am sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself

brokensmile322 posted 8/7/2013 07:55 AM

(((trusttrusttrust)))

You now know. Please do not buy that he was there to end it. People don't go to LA or to wineries to end it. You know this.

You need make no decisions right now. This time, protect yourself until you can decide how to move forward. Do not include him in your thoughts about what you are going to do or even how you are feeling. If you need time to process, make him stay away until you can. It's all about you now!

Stay strong! You are a wonderful, beautiful person. You deserve so much more!

Trusttrusttrust posted 8/7/2013 08:03 AM

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me. My cheating husband just emailed me that he is trying to get a flight from LA to home today. He is probably still bleeding from his ears. I have no sympathy for him, none, he did this to himself. I think I am still in shock. I think I will feel better after seeing the attorney today. After 31 years of marriage, I cannot believe this is happening.

Trusttrusttrust posted 8/7/2013 08:03 AM

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me. My cheating husband just emailed me that he is trying to get a flight from LA to home today. He is probably still bleeding from his ears. I have no sympathy for him, none, he did this to himself. I think I am still in shock. I think I will feel better after seeing the attorney today. After 31 years of marriage, I cannot believe this is happening.

HardenMyHeart posted 8/7/2013 08:12 AM

(((Trusttrusttrust)))

Yakamishi posted 8/7/2013 09:34 AM

I'm sorry this happened.

But I'll be honest, I envy OWs husband.

TryingEveryday posted 8/7/2013 09:50 AM

Oh Trust, my heart goes out to you!

My first wife had an extended and nasty affair which devastated me (at the time - now I see it as a blessing that got me the hell out of that marriage!). I tried and tried to work it out with her, but her actions proved she wasn't going to be able to do so. The day I finally made the decision to see my attorney and stick up for myself was a good day. I wasn't trying to be vindictive or gain revenge - I just decided that the people who needed my attention, love, and strength the most were my kids and me. Not her. Not anymore. She lost that.

It sounds like your husband is much the same. He lost the right to your love and compassion. Now, give that to yourself. The person you have to have the most concern for now is you. And we are here for you - because we understand.

BTW - can any of us possibly send a "thank you" card to the OW's husband? I also don't like violence, but sometimes . . . well, it's deserved.

I feel for him, though, as he's certainly hurting as well.

Hang in there - you will find peace again someday.

[This message edited by TryingEveryday at 9:51 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

lostworld posted 8/7/2013 10:06 AM

(((Trusttrusttrust)))
I have been in your shoes; I found out I'd been in a false R for over a year, however, I was the one who found them out.

I think seeing the attorney is a good idea because information is empowering. I also fully support your choice to be willing to sit in this moment, gathering information, assimilating your emotions and thoughts, and not forcing yourself into decisions.

I don't know anything about your M or your WH, but I would look very closely at who he was for the last 31 years. This is his second A; how was the first handled, and how long ago was it and did he make changes in himself? I do believe A's can be aberrations, totally out of character, or they can be typical and standard operating procedures for some. Where does he fall on this broad continuum? Sometimes history is the best predictor of the future.

When the revelation of a false R happened to me, I went from fury, to fear, to disgust, to sorrow, to regret a million times over the next few minutes and months. Literally every minute of every day was an undulating nightmare. In the end, my H and I made it through, and are fully R'd. I'm not saying that is possible or even desirable to you, just letting you know it can be possible under the right conditions. You will come out the other side of this, I promise.

I'm so sorry, Trust.

[This message edited by lostworld at 10:07 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

gonnabe2016 posted 8/7/2013 10:11 AM

I'm so sorry.
I always cringe inside when I see couples that have been in MC....only to find out that the A is continuing at the same time.

(as an aside, I'm no doctor, but if your WH has a brain injury that is causing him to bleed from his ears....is it really a good idea for him to be flying in an airplane? I'd be worried about that....)

Lalagirl posted 8/7/2013 10:14 AM

((((Trust))))

Josephine01 posted 8/7/2013 10:22 AM

Soooooo Sorry (((Trust)))

Dawnie posted 8/7/2013 10:28 AM

((TRUST))

I was in your shoes 3 1/2 years ago... 2 months into what I thought was R, we were in MC and "I" was trying to repair the marriage... then the truth came out that he was still seeing the OW. I only found out because my gut was not having any of it so I planted a VAR. I soooo remember the feeling when I heard the conversation that he was having with her on the VAR... it was almost a feeling of thank god, I can walk away from this madness knowing that I had done my part and he couldnt do his. I felt like I had been let out of prison, the prison of constant anxiety and worry that he was breaking NC. I was worth so much more than that and today I am in such a better life free of the constant knot in my stomach. I am married to a faithful loving man and I have never been happier.

Do what you need to do for YOU... you have given this your all and he shit on it.... you are worth so much more...

Wonderingwhy11 posted 8/7/2013 10:55 AM

(((Trust)))

I am so sorry. I felt the 2nd Dday was worse than the first. Seeing an attorney and making a plan is wise. It doesn't mean you have to file for D right away.

The sad fact is most likely A's don't end on DDay. In my case the OBS found out first and the A continued another year until I found out. I found out a year later they were still in contact 3-4 months after my DDay. I still don't know for sure when all contact finally stopped.

Take care of yourself.

n0tm3 posted 8/7/2013 10:59 AM

I am so sorry. I know that it was hard to put yourself emotionally out there with him again only to have this happen.

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