Any suggestions/tips? I would appreciate it so much!
I would strongly recommend letting your line-manager in the office know what you're going through (No specific details, just that you're going through a tough spot outside of work). Even if you cannot take the time off, having someone there that's aware of what you're going through might help ease some of the pressure.
I know exactly how hard it is to keep performing at work after this, as I am struggling with the same thing. But letting my boss know was a great help. I'm not saying to ask for special treatment, but knowing that someone there understands your situation is a bit of a morale boost.
His sister was going through something similar and knew what a toll it takes. He was fine with everything.
I'm going through the motions as best as I can, putting on a straight face and plowing through it.
The 180 recommendations are also good to put in place and have helped me understand that I need to be strong to myself. Be strong and remember, you didn't do this to you.
I used the old snapping elastic band trick and made sure it was painful; either way my subconscious got the hint and I got through the day successfully with out disciplinary problems, crying bouts etc. When I got home it was release time....
The management and the newer younger staff know nothing about what I've been thru. Was and am afraid they'd pinpoint any thing they see fit to start harassing me. They have eliminated many many staff and it was very stressful losing all my coworkers.
I think being new does put you in a difficult position. For support, I talked with my sister for months everyday on the phone, had IC, and had one coworker close friend. Safe and trustworthy are the main things to consider. I was very vulnerable to the " you must have done something to deserve it" or people treating me like I've got a scarlet letter on my forehead. Not a good feeling and something I still feel some people I know act out. So many think you're just supposed to "be over it". Not.
Just giving you some thoughts. Good luck.
2. Try to immerse yourself in your work, and make that a period of time where you don't think about it/or communicate with your spouse. This helped me tremendously. It also helped to give me the mental break I needed, and allowed me to gain some perspective.
Sorry that you are in this tough spot.
(((and strength )))
I ended up telling a few close coworkers and my boss, but I have been at the company for years. If I was new at the job, I don't know if I would have told anyone.
Try to focus as best you can. you will survive this no matter what.
I am having a very difficult time concentrating on my work and being successful
This is completely normal. It is hard to be "on" when you have so much trauma consuming your ever waking thought.
Just give yourself a break. If your boss is understanding, which it sounds as if he/she is, then simply let them know that you are dealing with some personal issues and that you have no intent of allowing for it to interfere with your work but you wanted to let him know in case you appear upset.
This will usually go a long way so they give you a little leeway during this time.
It's tough. I don't know how I still have my job quite honestly because for a year after DDay, I functioned at 40% at best. I confided in my boss and my assistant and both were great at keeping me moving when needed and helping to cover for my inability to get things done.
Take it one day at a time. Do the best you can.
Sorry this happened to you again. How are you doing with regards to your marriage?
That said, you just... manage. When I felt myself losing it I would find a quiet corner of a stairwell to quietly cry in. Try to take some breaks during the day to let the emotions out. And then focus as hard as you can on your job. I was utterly scorched earth at work those last few weeks. I was very successful, but had some relationships to repair afterward.
1. Acknowledge and accept that it will be difficult;
2. Just plow through it, day by day, minute by minute;
3. Look at work as a distraction from your everyday problems, not another layer of problems;
4. Remember, that most companies now track internet usage, so try to control any urges to use the computer for personal use during work times.
You'll get through this, just take it one step at a time.
Oh, and be careful who you confide in, it could come back to bite you.
It has gotten a little better. Coworkers are very supportive and cover my but.
I do try, memory is shot, so I write lists for myself and update everyday, I even write lists about what I have done, so that I don't do it twice!
I still struggle but it isn't as painful.
A walk outside seems to help. Focusing on just one task at a time. Rewarding myself after every completed task, like a 5 minute peak at SI.
Reminding myself that I need the $$ helps me to come back to reality when I feel like I just don't care.
Well after rereading this, I still have a long way to go.
I wish us both a speedy focus.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie
I'm sorry, and I know what you are going through. Fortunately I am in a profession (higher education) that permitted me to take a significant amount of leave so I could make it through the hardest parts. (It wiped out my accrued sick leave, however.)
I am returning to work in two weeks. I have some trepidation about it: will I be able to deliver effectively back-to-back lectures every day without breaking down or at least losing concentration?
But I know that it will be the best therapy for me. Consistent mental distraction is absolutely needed. So much time in my head it turned out is NOT good for me. And I often wonder if it wasn't such a good idea after all to take so much time from work. I almost see it as a "victory" for my STBXWW--that she had that power over me.
If it turns out that I am indeed still emotionally agitated at work, well, I have fifteen minutes between classes. I will go to my office and cry, breathe, whatever. And then I'll jump back in.
Take breaks. Close your eyes for a few minutes and congratulate yourself for having the strength to actually get up and go to work--to keep going through life, even if you feel you are only going through the motions for now.
I resolve to out an empowering "spin" on it, and I recommend you do too: She/He WON'T have that power over me. I worked hard to have a great career, and they WILL not mess with that.
Strength to both of us.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.