Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: What are you doing today to take back your power?
Helen of Troy
♀ 26419
Member # 26419
Question  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are you doing today to take back your power?

Posts: 4809 | Registered: Dec 2009
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Painting my bedroom in my new flat. It's looking great!!

Little steps for me.

Oh and I joined a dating site a few weeks ago, not fully signed up yet but enjoying the ego boost. I've even been added to someone's favourites!

I'm thinking in a few months time I'm going to sign up properly and go on a date. With no expectations, just dinner and a nice chat! :)

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bought a new house
got all new dishes (old ones were wedding pressies), new mattress, new sheets, new comforter...
exercise a LOT...
growing my hair out..
pushing myself to try things out of my comfort zone - e.g. taking a gun safety class and playing recreational kickball.

Me - BW
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

Posts: 4029 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Broken hearted61
♀ 34931
Member # 34931
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Living my life with just me in mind....not some random guy who chose to make me an option. I AM MY OWN PRIORITY!!!

BGF (50) me
WBF (50) him
DD#1 02/23/2012

TT 03/19/2012
Working on R (03/21/2012)
It's over: 5/5/12

Posts: 223 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ 99
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I walked away from the job I had for 5 years that was completely sucking the joy out of my life. I am decluttering my house so I can sell it and move back to VA to be closer to my family.

"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 3199 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Applied to graduate school.

me...BS, 46 years old.

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
♀ 16935
Member # 16935
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great question, great thread!

I've started looking out for just me. Went to the store and bought only good, healthy things to eat. Decluttering the kitchen of "bad" food.

Posts: 2053 | Registered: Nov 2007
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Moving into yet another apartment in yet another new city--following my bliss.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 32847
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've actually been doing a lot lately!

1. I am now sleeping ALL OVER my king sized bed. Cross-wise, upsidedown, with my feet where his head used to rest!

2. Seriously considering selling my truck. It's a great truck, but repair costs and maintenance are kicking my butt. I have a serious offer for waaayyyyy more than I owe.

3. I'm also giving thoughts to selling the house. It's too big, and again,maintenance is a killer. Yes, the kids' father is supposed to help, but that ain't happening'.

4. Been rekindling friendships.

Thanks for this! It helps to take inventory now and again...

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting ready to train my replacement at the job I hate!

He starts Tuesday.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14447 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40247 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I rise with the sun and celebrate my new freedoms with the radio fixed to the stations I enjoy!

I start my new school job at the end of the month along with getting offers for part time work on the side ... I am taking care of me all while standing firmly on my own two feet.

It might sound so soon, but I have started my profile on a OLD site ... But mentally and physically I have been so detached since DDay that this is the right thing for me.

I just so happy to be me!

Posts: 422 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting ready to start online classes September 1.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5379 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebuilding the deck that rotted out on the side of the house.

My X was very handy. I am not but I took on the house and 5 acres. I've been in denial about how rotten that side of the house was getting. Just couldn't deal with it. My neighbor is leading the way and I am assisting. I now know how to tear out and install joists. It's slow going, but it feels really grounding to be getting it done. I don't need X to be my handyman!

BS, 56 years
D-day 6-2-08
D after 20 years
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

Posts: 6650 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
♀ 39764
Member # 39764
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this thread! I'm in limbo at the moment. H and I are divorcing. He moves out on the 31st. I'm anxious to make my house my own, but can't do much with him here.

So I started in the laundry room. LOL I organized and cleaned and went crazy - even decorated it!

Also, I'm forcing myself to do one thing I'm dreading every day. For example, one day, I got the cable plan changed, cut the bill in half, and switched it so I will pay it myself.

I've been married for 30-years and even though I am fairly independent, these things aren't easy for me.

Thanks for letting me share! ~L

He had a long-term affair. I found out 5-years after. We're divorcing after 30 years of marriage (10 of them happy ones). I'm just trying to find my way.

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2013
exhausted lady
♀ 30217
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this sounds weird....but I'm forcing myself to slow down. Relax. Take time to breathe again. Spend some time on things like giving myself a mani/pedi, and actually shaving my legs when they need it. I need to focus on some self care pretty bad, and it's time. Just to remind myself that I truly need to spend some time taking care of myself for a change has been harder than I'd thought.

During my dad's final weeks of life, I felt guilty taking the time to shower a couple of times a week. There simply wasn't time. I'm really having a hard time relearning how to slow down and not rush through everything not related to the care of someone else.

I treasure every minute that I spent taking care of my dad, but now I just don't know how to change back to a "normal" I'm trying really hard to slow down.

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3171 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
♀ 36714
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today, I go somewhere he forbade me from going while we were married.

There, I will meet and harmlessly interact with many people in a harmless, platonic fashion. This is something he did not comprihend me doing, chiefly because he wouldn't want to himself.

These interactions will involve me displaying competance, diligence and integrity that he liked to believe I lacked. At least, he told himself I was lazy, incompetant, and untrustworthy to justify being a controling prick.

Yes, some sort of illness set in when the infidelity and abuse anxiety weakened my body, and I haven't figured out how to get rid of it. My body will be weak, and my mind a little cloudy, and I will have to be careful to take care of myself in order to maintain basic function. I will take back some degree of my power today by bravely pressing on in spite of this. Nobody will see me sweat. The lingering effects of his douchebaggery won't stop me from doing what I need to do. Not today.

As a result of all this, I will earn money. For myself. That only I have any say in the spending of.

That's what I'm doing today.


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I am working on accepting the fact that I am beginning the next chapter. It involves the empty nest, and a new nest. I have never moved alone before. The changes coming are both scary and exhilarating at the same time-kind of like a roller coaster.

I love this thread, thank you for starting it.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ 16891
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great thread!

Today, I'm taking a day off from the attention of my loved ones. I'm not returning my calls or taking invitations.

I've had a great support network around me since I left SO, but I've had a crazy week both personally and professionally. I'm exhausted and an introvert. I need time alone to recharge and didn't get much since my breakup. Time to honor my needs.

I had naps, went to the bakery and ate a fresh olive bread in the park while reading poetry. I plan to have a boring night and sleep early.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 5:02 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

Posts: 4994 | Registered: Nov 2007
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know that I'm doing anything, but I do know that I'm finally hitting indifference, and the amount of power over my own life that I feel right now that I haven't felt since Dday is incredible! It's like a drug!

(Just posted about it in NB)

Me: BW-46
Him: XWH-46

Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

Posts: 5287 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 21
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.