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Newest Member: Hilda (61117)

User Topic: Grrr....
♀ 38619
Member # 38619
Flame  Posted: 9:34 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that the A season is making it hard for me this month, but I am boiling right now. Because of the money that my fWH's used for his A and for his apartment when we were separated, I have been juggling money around like crazy to make sure that everything can be paid.

We never had money issues before the A. We weren't rich but we got by. Now I have to worry about being able to pay this bill or can I put off that bill for a couple of days. Or having enough to cover the mortgage. The list goes on and on.

It makes me just.... and what makes it worse is when I bring up these issues his response is always, "It will be alright" or "We will be okay". Early in our relationship,I dug my fWH out of a debt hole that nearly bankrupted him so he is used to living on the edge; I am not. I've worked since I was 13 years old and have never EVER been late for a payment of any kind but know, thanks to my fWH's idiocy, my financial health is being dinged. Grr... Ugh...I can feel the steam coming out of my ears and making my hair frizz. Another thing to blame on my fWH!!!!!

Vent over.

[Edited because I can't type when I'm angry.]

[This message edited by Mack9512 at 9:36 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 440 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hate the "don't worry about it, it'll be ok" responses. I mean that I REALLY hate them.

How about if you have your fWH work this out with you. Make him sit down with you each month and learn how difficult it is to juggle the $ and rob Peter to pay Paul.
Pull your credit report and show him what it looks like and explain what the score means and how it affects your ability to get loans and better interest rates.
Even if he still doesn't understand or think it's that big of a deal, I don't think that this burden should rest solely on your shoulders. He needs to be a part of this clean-up.
It's called accepting responsibility.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ 39609
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This exact thing is happening to me...

WH spent $600 plus a paycheck on A related things or just going out to bars and trying to get other people drunk. He also got demoted TWICE because of "suspicions" of adultery (military).

I just came back from trying to work out a deal with the electric that they would wait til payday so that they won't shut off the power...on me and my 5 month old. Many of our bills are late. I hate opening the mailbox now. And like you, we were never rich...but we could always pay all of the bills on time and have a pretty decent amount of money left over to decide what to do with.

All he has to say? "It'll be okay. We will get it all straightened out in a few months and be back to normal." Yeah, we may...but not before our credit takes a ginormous nose dive.

It angers me that his selfishness has infected EVERY aspect of our lives. And that is the sad part, we have to deal with all of the consequences of their actions. On top of all of the emotional trauma.

Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Nearly ExH has shut down credit cards he used to finance the A and probably woo OW?

It was a real sense of justice when I learned that some of the creditors finally just shut him down, because of his trouble with boundaries...someone finally chose to have him do the rules.

Sometimes I've been physically ill because of all the money simply for gas and eating for him to continue the A while "we" were so financially strapped and bills were late. Always there was gas and eating out money. Or maybe charging?

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 16958
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know the feeling. We have to pay $1600 a month in child support and he was late so they froze all the money in our account.

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 949 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Topic Posts: 5

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